Wrap It in Bacon

Remember that email that went around a few years ago about how to give a cat a pill?  It went on and on with steps including massage cat's throat, remove cat from drapery rod, then apply direct pressure to lacerations.  Then there was "how to give a pill to a dog."  Answer: wrap it in bacon. 

Gremlin has been experiencing some significant constipation issues for about the past month.  Basically, he refuses to poop.  This is different from his usual "I don't have to go - I'm too busy playing" refusal and has now migrated to his school day.  We've instituted mandatory "trying" periods throughout the day and returned to the sitting-on-the-edge-of-the-tub, potty training model.

Friday, while in Target (why do I always get this call when I've got a full cart?), the school nurse calls stating she's got Gremlin in her office doubled over with stomach pains.  I'm on my way but it's going to be a few minutes.  She calls back seconds later asking me to please bring a change of clothes as well.  Awesome.

As I arrive at school and the nurse waves me toward the bathroom where she has left my 5-year-old to clean himself up following his accident.  I find him naked and covered, wiping ineffectually at his body with dry, brown, industrial paper towels.  Thankfully, it didn't seem to be bothering him. 

The pediatrician starts writing before I've finished my first sentence.  Gremlin has encopresis and needs a laxative.  Here's where we get to the bacon part.

We opted to wait until Saturday morning vs. Friday evening to begin the regimen for obvious reasons. Andy and I sat at the kitchen table for in excess of 45 minutes trying to teach, convince, discuss, cajole, explain, threaten, and ultimately bribe Grem to swallow an Exlax pill resembling a blue M&M.

He eventually allows the pill to completely dissolve in his mouth complaining the whole time that it tastes like sand, yet refusing to swallow or take a sip of any of the 6 different beverage selections we have offered him.  Also, he is now the proud owner of SpongeBob Atlantis Squarepantis DS game. 

And all for nothing.  Based on his chosen method of absorption and the complete lack of results, I'm guessing that none of the medicine actually made it to the boy's lower G.I.

This morning, I returned to CVS and going against the advice of the pharmacist Andy spoke with yesterday, got Exlax in chocolate form.  I came home, said "hey Grem, here's some chocolate medicine!"  He ate two pieces and we're done.

Wrap it in bacon.

File it under "For Future Reference"

For future reference:

- Poison Control cannot answer questions related to a 20-pound dog swallowing one Advil Liqui-Gel.

- Poison Control does provide the toll-free number to Animal Poison Control.

- That number is 1-888-426-4435.

- The consultation fee to speak with Animal Poison Control is $65.00 payable by credit card.

- If your 20-pound dog swallows one Advil Liqui-Gel, she may experience vomiting and diarrhea but probably won't die.

- The treatment for 20-pound dogs who swallow Advil is 0.5 mg Pepcid AC (Famotidine) once a day for 5-7 days.

- If your 20-pound dog who swallowed an Advil is micro-chipped through Home Again and you have full coverage, the $65.00 consultation fee is covered.

- Dogs who swallow Advil and run the risk of experiencing vomiting and diarrhea will be sleeping in the kitchen overnight.

Can I Get An "Oh, poor baby..."?

What Hurts When You have a Sinus Infection:

• Hot liquids
• Cold liquids
• Luke warm liquids
• Brushing your teeth 
• Mint tooth paste
• Trying to rinse mint toothpaste out of your mouth because it hurts
• Chewing
• The sensation of having your teeth pushed out from the inside
• Standing up
• Lying down
• Trying to sleep sitting up
• Sleep deprivation
• Focusing
• Swallowing horse pill-sized antibiotics 
• Stomach from antibiotics
• Stomach from ingesting copious amounts of Advil
• Touching your face
• Loud noises
• Bright lights
• Eyebrows
• Cheekbone
• Sensation of someone trying to push your eye out through the socket
• Your cheek resting against your jaw
• Puffing out your cheek so it doesn't rest against your jaw
• Hot food
• Cold food
• Ears
• Breathing through your mouth

What Doesn't Hurt When You Have a Sinus Infection:

• Standing under a hot shower with water beating on your face.

It's My First Pandemic. Should I Panic Now?

Gremlin is home from school today. He had a pretty good hacking cough for most of the night and was really cranky/sleepy/not himself this morning. Thankfully, no fever. We've already had one (known) case of H1N1 at his preschool but not in his class. This weekend alone, the children of two Facebook friends and the sister of a Bloggy friend were diagnosed with it. My mommy radar was humming LOUD.

Of course there is no vaccine available and we are gratefully un-high risk, so it doesn't look like we'll be getting vaccinated any time soon. So we sit. And wait. And wash our hands. And cough into our elbows.

The thing is that Gremlin is a notorious cougher. If he's going to have the slightest hint of a cold, it will manifest itself as a dry, hacking cough that occurs between the hours of 7:30 pm and 6:30 am. Sometimes it gets pretty croupy (not this time - yet) but come morning, he's usually in reasonably good shape. This is his second year of preschool, his fifth year of exposure to preschool-y germs thanks to his big brother, so I know the drill. I don't panic about sending him to school with a slight cough or runny nose and I don't panic when another kid in his class has the same. If I did, they'd never have gone to school.

This year the rules have changed. I feel like we're all extras in On The Beach. Hanging out, living our lives, knowing the inevitable is coming. We'll continue to be cautious with our own health and of those around us. We'll take our vitamins. We'll hope those who have contracted the illness brave it well. We'll hope for enough vaccine to arrive before we catch it.

Today, our day includes sitting on the couch under a blanket watching Star Wars and enjoying a little one-on-one time. As my friend put it, it's not like he's missing SAT prep. All in all, not a bad way to spend the day.

What to Really Expect - Part 2

Child: HRH
Age: 7 weeks

It's 5:00 am on a very chilly January morning. HRH begins to stir in his cradle beside my side of the bed. I reach over and attempt to plug him to catch another few moments of precious sleep. He makes a strange noise. Instantly awake, I flip on the light to find HRH struggling to breathe. I scream Andy awake. He jumps out of bed, into HRH's room across the hall, grabs the snot sucker off the changing table and suctions him, pulling out a nice little booger nugget. HRH begins sucking in air again like a pearl diver returning to the surface.

We bundle up our little prince in at least three layers of fleece over his 'jamas to ward off the pre-dawn chill and drive off to the emergency room. With the dome light on and me in the back seat, monitoring his every breath.

We arrive at the hospital and wait...and wait...and wait. (Have I ever mentioned that the effing emergency room is named after my father in law, who had been chief of emergency surgery until his death?) Eventually the baby is evaluated. Or, rather, we are evaluated.

ER Doc: So you say your son's nose was stuffy.
Us: Yep! And he wasn't breathing!

ER Doc: Do you have the heat on?
Us: Yes, it's set to 9,000. Can't have our precious getting all chilled.

ER Doc: And his cradle? Is it near the heat source?
Us: Yes indeedy! Right next to the radiator. But don't worry. We made sure our newborn baby couldn't reach out and grab it. We're cautious.

ER Doc: And this house that you just moved into six weeks before his birth? Does it have carpeting?
Us: Yep. Nice older (dusty) carpteting. We were going to pull it up but thought we'd leave it til spring to keep the room warmer. Besides, it goes well with the peeling wallpaper.

Baby's Diagnosis: Your child is "stuffy." I'll give you a minute to digest this complicated bit of medical information. Then go buy a humidifier.

Parents Diagnosis: Morons of the overreatcting variety.

(Moron) Manic Mommy: He's hungry. Is it okay if I nurse him?

ER Doc: Blank stare. Did anyone ever mention to you that newborns only breathe through their noses?

Us: Blank stare.

ER Doc: Yeah, they don't learn how to breathe through their mouths until later.

Us (later, to each other, not the doctor): Good fucking tip, don't you think!?

Upshot:
Still take HRH to see his pediatrician that afternoon. Just to be sure. Same diagnosis; parental mania/moronic-ness.
Buy a humidifier the size of a refrigerator (wallpaper is steamed off in a matter of weeks).
Alert every new/expecting parent we ever meet about the mouth-breathing thing.

Perspective

Gremlin has a cold. A pretty good one. As per his usual, he got a bad, raspy, croupy cough that gets worse at night. Last January, following cold after cold spent listening and comforting my baby helplessly as he awoke crying from coughing because we-don't-give-kids-cough-medicine, we went AMA and gave him some Triaminic - a half dose. It worked like a charm; the coughing slowed, he slept, we slept and there were no adverse side effects. We did this for about three nights (nights only) until the worst of the coughs subsided.

When this bout reared its head, we toughed it out for a night but again went to Triaminic. Friday night, it worked; some coughing but subdued and he could sleep. Saturday night, not so much. He coughed mightily from the time he lay down. We took turns heading into his room when he cried. We took turns going into his room even if he wouldn't cry, just to check. We tried to get honey into him to ease his throat. I slept in his bed, he came into ours. We headed out onto the front porch in the freezing cold with him wrapped in a blanket to lessen the croupies. We even called the pediatrician when he cried that he needed to cough but couldn't. And of course, our frustration got the better of us and we briefly turned on each other.

Nonetheless, at 6:00 am Easter morning, the sun was up and so were my boys, ready for their Easter baskets. Gremlin definitely handled the sleepless night far better than his daddy or I did. We all slept last night (sans drugs) and this morning, my boy felt good enough that he's in preschool, making a fruit salad and learning about Passover.

I know the frustration, fear, pity, sadness, and helplessness I felt watching my baby deal with what is, in reality a blip, a minor cold - he barely had a temperature. And I think of Mike and Heather Spohr, who lost their little girl because her body wasn't strong enough to win her last battle. Friends of my blog friends, who will be attending her funeral tomorrow.

I lost a night's sleep and probably encouraged a few more gray hairs. I can take it. I thank God for making my family strong and healthy. I thank Him for giving me perspective. I pray for Mike and Heather that they will somehow find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. I hope they feel the love that is out here for them.

Sappy Smiles

My poor Gremlin has a cold. Thursday night, he had a quite a cough and woke up a time or two. The house is dry as a bone with the heat permanently on and humidfiers can only do so much. No other symptoms so off to school he goes. He was fine all day in school but yesterday afternoon, as we ran an errand, he was clearly going down hill. The rest of the afternoon was spent snuggling and dozing on the couch.

He's Daddy's boy. Daddy's "helper" in all things. Except when he's not feeling well. Then he's all mine. I hate it when they're sick but in truth the needing me, the snuggling just fills me up. I know his babyhood is all but gone but in these moments, he's still my baby.

So it was no surprise when last night, I ended up in his bed after a coughing jag, tucked uncomfortably between my boy and the wall, sharing his pillow. We're holding hands and he leans into me, more asleep than awake and asks,

"Mommy, why does Bugs Bunny call everyone 'Doc'"?

Holy Dustbunnies!

My boys have finally reached that magic age; they're trustworthy enough to come downstairs ALONE in the morning, eat peanut butter out of the jar, and watch cartoons, while Mommy and Daddy get a few more hours minutes of very light sleep with one ear open. Cue the choir of angels, and yet...

Last Sunday, Andy and I are enjoying a few more minutes' sleep when the boys appear on my side of the bed (aside: my side of the bed is farther from the door than Andy's. They never start on Andy's side of the bed.) to inform me that they were going down to the playroom and noticed a 'fuzzy thing' at the bottom of the basement stairs. I slip out of my coma long enough to tell them, oh, honey, that's called a dust bunny, don't worry about it, I'll vacuum it later.

HRH is not convinced but RC pipes up with the very clever idea to sweep it up with the dustpan and brush. RC just loves him some dustpan and brushing. And they exit to tidy up the fuzzy thing.

Fast forward about thirty minutes. I open the lid on our kitchen trash to drop a tea bag in. And staring back at me from the top of the trash is a fuzzy thing - also known as a bat with no wings. Aghhhhhhhhh!

I call Andy over. He calls HRH over. My questioning goes something like this; Didyoutouchit? Didyoutouchit? Didyoutouchit?? You'renotintrouble. Did. you. touch. it!?" HRH's answer was no. RC was required to pantomime out exactly what he did when he swept it up. I'm reasonably certain they were telling the truth. Nonetheless, I Purelled their hands, twice, then washed them in antibacterial soap. I may have burned their pajamas.

Near as we can figure, the bat was looking for a warm place to stay. He somehow got into the house, was met by our bloodthirsty cat, and met his demise. The Bink left the de-winged carcass as a 'present' for us. He's thoughtful like that.

For future reference, Poison Control states that rabies must be spread by injecting saliva through a bite. We then had the pleasure of triple-wrapping the remains and freezing them overnight. On Monday, I took the carcass to our vet, who had it tested by the state lab. I'm very happy (and pretty surprised) that the results were negative. No rabies here.

I haven't found the wings yet...

Potty Mouth

Psst, Clorox:

Wanna make a mint? Invent a non-toxic, drinkable bleach product. And here's why:

Item 1: We are at my sister's house and RC has just completed his first successful peep of the new potty-training season. Manic Mommy is at the sink washing her hands after assisting with said endeavor. RC spies the plunger parked next to Auntie's toilet. Before MM can reach him/screech loud enough to wake the dead, RC has upended the plumber's helper and licks. it. Various washing and rinsing ensues. But where's the bleach?

Item 2: First Day of preschool. Andy has taken the day off to accompany RC to orientation while MM attends HRH's Welcome Mass. After we pick up HRH, we take the boys to Friendly's for an ice cream. Except for RC, we each order what turns out to be a pretty meager portion and consequently begin taking little bites from RC's massive make-your-own-sundae.

It is with the taste of hot fudge and Reeses Pieces still upon my tongue that Andy suddenly remembers the men's room incident that had taken place not ten minutes earlier:

RC is standing in front of the toilet having already fondled caressed lifted the toilet seat and is attempting to simultaneously hold the seat up, keep his shirt tucked under his chin, and aim. He is one hand short, and so, he leans forward and places the edge of the toilet seat between his lips to hold it up and proceeds to urinate.

Andy acted fast but of course, the damage was already done. He proceeded to make RC rinse his mouth out and wash his face/lips/hands with Friendly soap. But again, where's the bleach?

Did I mention that I was eating RC's ice cream as the story unfolded? What's a mom to do? I buy fluoride-free toothpaste for him because that's dangerous if ingested. How about the most germ-laden surfaces know to mom?

Please tell me your worst. Am I the only mother with a really, gross little kid?Let me know that his immune system is strong enough to handle it - and that it. will. stop.

Sincerely,

Manic Germaphobe Mommy

Summer Cold

You wake
With a cough
Too hot
Cozy on the couch
Blanket and pillow
DVD
More juice
We move through the day
Time for bed
Snuggling
Tired boy
You fall right to sleep
You wake coughing and crying, again
I move you to our bed and lie with you
Mommy's here
I kiss your forehead to check your temperature
Still hot
I kiss you again
Just because
You cough
You cry
So tired
I comfort
I love you

Flu to you too, Winnie the Pooh

This is the cover of today's Boston Globe. Below are my own headlines.


The boys have the flu. RC has the flu and double ear infections.


HRH is still running a temp but lower. He doesn't have the cough but does have a runny nose and is achy and tired.


RC is still running a temp well in the 102-103+ range, is coughing this horrible seal bark, has a runny nose, and just uncomfortable all over. He spent most of last night and a good chunk of today lying in my arms, whimpering.


This is the sickest either of them has ever been and I. don't. like it.


We spoke with the on-call doctor but opted to wait until this morning in order to see a pediatrician in our practice rather than making the run to the emergency room. They reran the flu test because they can often get a false negative if the test is administered too early. The treatment is still the same and he's on Amoxicillian for the ear infections.


Thanks everyone for your input on the cough suppressant issue. I did ask the pedi today about codeine. The answer I got was that the difference in the dose to stop the cough and stop the breathing is too slight in a child this young. Good enough for me.


So for now, HRH remains sick but making inconsistent progress toward better. RC is still really, really sick. I just want him to get some rest and show some improvement by morning. Then I'll worry about what to do if when Andy and I get it.


(with apologies for the spacing. Blogger has decided we'll either have one massive, run-on paragraph or huge gaps. I went with B as the lesser of evils)

Reason Number 573...

...to hold off opening all Christmas presents at Christmas. The boys are off the couch today and already getting restless. My godmother gave us a giant bag 'o presents that I've had off in a corner waiting. And today was the day! This is HRH's really cool bumper car/maze. It even has two separate play surfaces and two bumper cars so when the boys start bumping each other, we just take down the little bridge connecting the two.

On the cough medicine front, I'm giving up on the Delsym. I didn't find the results to be overwhelming or at least worthwhile enough to justify the side-effects. Both boys had nightmares two nights in a row, which is a little too close for coincidence. I already have to contend with the bug keeping them awake, they don't need to have what rest they get interrupted by bad dreams.

I'm going with the tried and true; fluids, rest, time, and some very judiciously allocated medication (see Tylenol and Benadryl).

The War, On Drugs

We went with Delsym (super-duper OTC cough suppressant) on the pedi's advice. I'm trying to keep them drug-free unless absolutely necessary so they're actually resting.

We've spent much of yesterday and the day before lying on the couch and watching every movie Disney ever made. We've also, colored, read books, done puzzles, played with play-doh, and eaten next to nothing.

A. to the M.A.

There's a question at the bottom, so decide now if you'd like to skip the brief timeline:

Saturday Eve:

- Neighborhood birthday party where one daddy is clearly in the throws of tuberculosis or other flesh eating disease, his four year old daughter clearly has "the sick eyes."

- His wife comes home late from work (Nurse practioner at a prison in central Mass). She was delayed due to admitting a patient with MRSA to the infirmary.

- We go on to discuss her family's three-week-long ailment/cold/undefined fever-thing at length.

- Thanks for comin'!

Monday Afternoon:

- HRH comes home from school with a note stating that one of his classmates has tested postive for strep and everyone has been exposed.

Tuesday Morning:

- HRH enters our bedroom with a 102 temp, complaining of sore throat.

- RC has a low grade temp and is coughing like a seal.

- Both semi-stuffy.

Tuesday:

- Loooooooonnnnngggggg Daaaaaaayyyyyyy

- Was it really only yesterday?

Tuesday Afternoon:

- Visit to the pediatrician.

- Instant strep tests come back negative. Also negative for flu.

- But blood tests administered. Remember that scene in Gone with the Wind, where the doctor decides to amputate despite no anesthesia? HRH was channeling that during the finger prick episode.

- I apologize every mother waiting behind us with their kids now terrorized.

- Tylenol, Motrin, Benadryl recommended.

Tuesday Overnight/Wednesday early AM:

- Looooonnnnggggerrrrrr Niiiiiiigggghhhhhhhttt.

- RC up every two hours and coughing/crying in his sleep constantly.

- Also pees through every single layer of his nightclothes and bedclothes. Newly dried and changed RC ends up in bed with us.

- HRH comes in around 4:00 am with a zillion degree temperature, complaining that his head hurts.

- I leave to get juice and more meds but immediately reenter when his coughing fit leads to vomiting.

- On the bed.

- On my side.

Wednesday, 4:30 am:

- Andy and I have everyone back in their own beds and we are lying there on fresh sheets, punchy-tired but too keyed up to sleep.

- Andy seriously contemplates just getting dressed and going to work.

So. Here we are. It's Wednesday at 9:30 and I am totally going Against Medical Advice and seeking your input on the latest drug of choice for coughing.

Help me out here and let me know if you give your kids cough medicine and what you've used.