Counting Our Blessings

"The Eagle Has Landed."

"Our Long, National Nightmare is Over."

"ANDY GOT A JOB!!"

And it's good one!  Great company, great package, great opportunity, seven and a half miles from our house...basically...GREAT!

My cousin, who went through something similar, said she felt like God had picked them up by the scruff of their necks, and was shaking them saying "Learn. Learn."

Since November 30th, that image has played through my mind hundreds of times and I'll ask "What am I learning?".  The answer is plenty.

I learned that we have friends and family who have our backs. 

In particular, I think of Andy's best friend, John.  Like all adults with kids, and spouses, and jobs, and responsibilities, for years, Andy and John haven't seen each other as much as they'd like.  Starting Andy's last day of work, John has faithfully called several times a week, they text often, and have met almost every week since for lunch. 

Of Andy's cousin, Mike, who has put Andy in touch with people that Andy should network with, generally kept the lines of communication open, and always checked in to see what was up.  We spent New Years Eve at their place on the Cape.

Andy's oldest brother, Greg who lives several states away but simply acted as a sounding board when Andy needed another ear or another voice.

There were others, friends at school, our neighbors, Facebook friends that I haven't 'seen' in years, and of course, my Blog Buddies.  So many people in our corner, sending leads, lending support, saying prayers.  And meaning it.

I learned that there are plenty worse things than going into Year 8 in our Five Year House.  I hope I learned what's really important because right now, I feel blessed.

Thank you all so much.  I'm so happy to be able to share this news with you.

Let Me Hear Your War Cry!

What?  This stuff doesn't happen at your house??

Last week, I am awakened from blissful slumber in the middle of the night by the sound of my husband doing his best Braveheart immitation.  (I actually likened it to that scene in Return of the King when Aragorn says, "For Frodo,"  then runs headlong into a phalanx of Orcs at the Black Gate.  But I digresss....)

I go from sound asleep to still asleep but on my feet, running, and yelling "What? What?!" while following my husband, in full battle cry exiting our bedroom.  Here is his sequence of events:

0.0 microseconds - Andy awakens to the sound of HRH screaming. 

0.1 - Mind immediately processes "HRH is having a nightmare."

0.2  - Localizing sound...HRH is sleeping in Gremlin's room...sound not coming from Gremlin's room!

0.3 - Clearly, HRH is being dragged from the house by a kidnapper and is screaming in terror!

0.325 - Every microliter of adreneline empties into bloodstream.

0.4 - Eject from bed, issuing war cry to alert kidnapper to his approach with intent of kidnapper dropping HRH.

0.5 - Formulate plan while running down hall: Will bodily throw kidnapper down flight of stairs then land on top of him and proceed to pummel him until dead.


1.0 - Arrive at top of stairs where HRH is standing at the safety gate, alone, still asleep, and screaming.

1.5 - Processing...Child is not being kidnapped.  Child is sleepwalking, came up against the safety gate and could not compute.

2.0 - Hugging child. Adrenaline still flowing like oil into the Gulf.

2.5 - Second, totally confused child emerges from bedroom to find out what all the screaming is about.

3.0 - Still piecing it all together, Mommy ushers everyone toward our bedroom to calm everyone down, try to return to sleep mode.


3.5 - Best guess is Daddy will be prepared to sleep by Thursday.

Team Why Mommy's Virtual Science Fair

Three things kind of converged in the last few weeks in a way that confirm my belief that we're all in this together.  My polygamist, gay, boyfriend, Jason is taking part in the Susan G. Komen 3-Day for the Cure 60 Mile Walk.  He's doing it in memory of his mother and in honor of his brother, who was 11 when their mom died.

The second thing is that I was called back in after a yearly mammogram for a second look at what appears to be a calcification.  I have an appointment with a surgeon next week and look to be headed toward a biopsy.  I'm treating this the same way I've treated an abnormal pap result; I'm "concerned" lower case, not "CONCERNED" all caps.  My mom and my husband inform me they're doing the worrying for me.  I have very good people in my life.

The third is that I received an email from my dear friend, Jean, of Stimeyland.  I will always be grateful to blogging and to the universe for putting a person such as Jean in my path,  She is a good person.  She is smart, funny, caring, enthusiastic, energetic, self-effacing, and did I say wickedly funny?  She is the person you want in your corner.  She's got your back.

To wit: the email explained that a mutual blogging friend, Susan at Toddler Planet was going in for another round of surgery to address, heal, and kick cancer's ass.  Apparently, cancer didn't know who it was dealing with the first time.  Susan is yet another truly good person.  I had the pleasure of meeting her at BlogHer last year in Chicago.  Susan is an astrophysicist and a mommy.  And has cancer.

Jean came up with the brilliant idea of a Virtual Science Fair to show our support for Susan but not for her (rat bastard) cancer.   So here I am, doing what I can on all three fronts of my our battle:

1. I send money, support, and love to Jason.
2. I make appointments and follow-up, and stay positive about my own health
3. I submit my sons' and my science project.  (I hope we get an Honorable Mention)

Absorption Experiment:  

After cutting stems, place white carnations in a cup of water and add food coloring. What will happen?

Mom: What do you think will happen to the flowers?
HRH: The flower part will turn the color of the food coloring.
Gremlin: I don't know.

Mom: How do you think it happens?
HRH: The water will come into the bottom and be sucked up into the flower and by my calculations, you will be able to see that color.


Mom: How long do you think it will take?
HRH: Maybe about a half an hour to three quarters of an hour
Gremlin: Don't know!

Mom: Do you think it will make any difference if the stems are longer or shorter?
HRH: Maybe if the stems are longer, it will take longer to absorb.
Gremlin: You're a fast writer.

Mom: Do you think it will make any difference which colors we use?
HRH: Oh!  My food coloring dropped.
Gremlin: Mom, when can we start?
HRH: Mom, when can we start?

Natives getting restless. Time to move on to the doing:

Start time: 2:59 pm

Beware the dangers of food coloring.

4:17 pm - Change occurring in tips of petals!!

 

9:30 am (18 hrs, 31 minutes)

To Susan, I offer you this lovely bouquet of cheap-ass, $1.00 carnations now filled with all the colors of the rainbow.  I also send strength, healing, prayers, love, and good wishes. We've got your back.

Head over to Stimeyland to check out all the fabulous science-y expressions of love for Susan!

By the Wayside

Things you gave up:

Preemie clothes
0-3 months
6-9 months
12 months
2T
3T
4T
(All Ts)
3:00 am feedings
Baby Food
Baby gates
Baby talk
Being burped
Booster seat
Bottles
Bouncy seat
Breastfeeding
Burp cloths
Co-sleeping (most of the time)
Cradle
Crawling
Crib
Diapers
Diaper bag
Eating spaghetti with your hands (most of the time)
Elmo
Exersaucer
Feety pajamas
Glider in your room
Gymini
High chair
Infant car seat
Infant Tylenol
Mashed bananas
Naps (oh...naps)
Onesies
Pack n play
Peek a boo
Pluggies*
Pull ups
Receiving blankets
Reflux
Rice cereal
Riding backward
Teething
Toddler bed
Tummy time
Screeching when you see the cat
Snaps on your pant legs


But always my babies...

What don't your babies do anymore?

Mommy Fail

A few weeks ago, the boys and I sat down and made a list of SUPER FUN summer activities designed to keep us from killing each other active. Last week was our first full week of summer vacation. I consulted the list, we filled the sandbox, we played outside, we went to the bookstore, we went for walks, we had a playdate, we kept busy. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give it a D-. The weather was eh, the boys were wild, and mommy was impatient.

Following a book store fiasco (Gremlin threw a book across the kids section at me) and a grocery store nightmare (Gremlin screamed from one end of Stop and Shop to the other when I wouldn't purchase a Star Wars Transformer), I decided it must be the transition to both being home all the time. I had previously rejected a week of summer day camp this early in the season but perhaps it was time reconsider. On Friday, I called our local Boys and Girls Club to see if there were any openings for the Kid Squad day camp that three of Gremlin's school friends were attending for the week. Thank the Lord there was! Where. do. I. sign?!

This morning promptly at 9:(02), I dropped Gremlin and all his gear with his name Sharpied inside at the B&G Club. His cubby did not have a name on it, nor was there a little name tag waiting for him as the other kids had. I had also read the wrong info in the brochure and dismissal was at 1:00, not 12:00. So I had to go home and get a lunch. No big deal. We had signed up last-minute and besides, of the 20 kids in the group, at least 10-12 were from our preschool! After a few minutes of clingy/shyness, Gremlin was in his groove and happily said goodbye to me from his spot on the floor, playing with his friend, Jack.

While at home, I got a call from the Club. We were in the wrong class. They had placed him in the Tot-tivities group (ages 2, 3, and 4) not the Kid Squad group (ages 3, 4, and 5), which was, of course, full up. They were in the process of moving him to the other group. Uh-oh. Big deal. We agreed we'd play it by ear and get a prognosis from the teacher at noon, when the younger class is dismissed.

Sure enough, I arrived at noon and Gremlin was playing outside in the sand. The two groups had shared snack time and when they broke up for activities, this new teacher brought Gremlin back with her. As soon as he saw me, he burst into tears. I looked at his face streaked with dried tears and I wanted to cry. The teacher confirmed that he had been crying off and on since "the break up".

Of course he doesn't want to go back - although he would like to if he can be in the class with his friends. I'll call and try again to have them make an exception but hopes are not high. Sigh.

Where's that list again?

Four

Last night, I was just coming up the stairs following Youk's walk-off two run homer in the 11th when I heard little bare feet hit the floor, headed for our bedroom. Gremlin needed a drink. I redeposited him in bed with promises of juice and headed back downstairs.

When I brought him his sippy, I sat on the edge of his bed while he drank, then kissed him and said good night. His sleepy voice informed me he wanted me to be with him. I love when he says this. It means he doesn't need me; he wants me, is comforted by my presence.

So I sat there a while longer. I watched as he snuggled into my hand that was stroking his hair and cheek, loving the security my touch provides him. I watched as his two hands felt for just the "right spot" on his blanket to rub against his nose. I looked at his thick, dark eyelashes casting shadows against his cheek, at his perfect nose, his round cheeks, his beautiful lips, and little gapped teeth. I thought about four years ago, when he left my body and came into our life.

I thought about all the things he's done this year. Potty training, big boy bike-riding, starting school, and learning to write his name. I thought about what's in store for the next year; five-day preschool, beginning to read, playing sports, the age of reason(?).

Whatever comes next, it won't be boring. Because life with you, my not-so-little Gremlin is never boring. And I thank God for that, and most especially, for you.

Happy Birthday to my boy who is always my baby.

Mommy loves you up to the sky.

Perspective

Gremlin has a cold. A pretty good one. As per his usual, he got a bad, raspy, croupy cough that gets worse at night. Last January, following cold after cold spent listening and comforting my baby helplessly as he awoke crying from coughing because we-don't-give-kids-cough-medicine, we went AMA and gave him some Triaminic - a half dose. It worked like a charm; the coughing slowed, he slept, we slept and there were no adverse side effects. We did this for about three nights (nights only) until the worst of the coughs subsided.

When this bout reared its head, we toughed it out for a night but again went to Triaminic. Friday night, it worked; some coughing but subdued and he could sleep. Saturday night, not so much. He coughed mightily from the time he lay down. We took turns heading into his room when he cried. We took turns going into his room even if he wouldn't cry, just to check. We tried to get honey into him to ease his throat. I slept in his bed, he came into ours. We headed out onto the front porch in the freezing cold with him wrapped in a blanket to lessen the croupies. We even called the pediatrician when he cried that he needed to cough but couldn't. And of course, our frustration got the better of us and we briefly turned on each other.

Nonetheless, at 6:00 am Easter morning, the sun was up and so were my boys, ready for their Easter baskets. Gremlin definitely handled the sleepless night far better than his daddy or I did. We all slept last night (sans drugs) and this morning, my boy felt good enough that he's in preschool, making a fruit salad and learning about Passover.

I know the frustration, fear, pity, sadness, and helplessness I felt watching my baby deal with what is, in reality a blip, a minor cold - he barely had a temperature. And I think of Mike and Heather Spohr, who lost their little girl because her body wasn't strong enough to win her last battle. Friends of my blog friends, who will be attending her funeral tomorrow.

I lost a night's sleep and probably encouraged a few more gray hairs. I can take it. I thank God for making my family strong and healthy. I thank Him for giving me perspective. I pray for Mike and Heather that they will somehow find the strength to put one foot in front of the other. I hope they feel the love that is out here for them.

Sappy Smiles

My poor Gremlin has a cold. Thursday night, he had a quite a cough and woke up a time or two. The house is dry as a bone with the heat permanently on and humidfiers can only do so much. No other symptoms so off to school he goes. He was fine all day in school but yesterday afternoon, as we ran an errand, he was clearly going down hill. The rest of the afternoon was spent snuggling and dozing on the couch.

He's Daddy's boy. Daddy's "helper" in all things. Except when he's not feeling well. Then he's all mine. I hate it when they're sick but in truth the needing me, the snuggling just fills me up. I know his babyhood is all but gone but in these moments, he's still my baby.

So it was no surprise when last night, I ended up in his bed after a coughing jag, tucked uncomfortably between my boy and the wall, sharing his pillow. We're holding hands and he leans into me, more asleep than awake and asks,

"Mommy, why does Bugs Bunny call everyone 'Doc'"?

To-Worry List

Am I consistent enough?
Am I impatient?
Am I kind enough to myself?
Am I strict enough?
Am I taking myself too seriously?
Am I taking them too seriously?
Am I too hard on myself?
Am I too hard on them?
Am I too strict?
Are they developing friendships the way they should?
Are they happy?
Are they spoiled?
Are they too physical?
Did I read to HRH more than I read to Gremlin?
Do I change their sheets often enough?
Do I expect too little of them?
Do I expect too much from Andy?
Do I expect too much of them?
Do I expect too much of them?
Do I show enough patience?
Do I spend too much time on the computer?
Do I worry too much about how others perceive us?
Do I yell too much?
Do they eat enough vegetables?
Do they fight too much?
Do they have enough alone time with us?
Do they realize how much they are loved?
Do they spend enough time with Daddy?
Do they spend too much time on the computer/video game?
Do they watch too much TV?
Do we have enough rules?
Do we model behavior correctly?
Have I established clear behavioral guidelines?
He doesn't know all his letters, HRH did at this age.
How do I teach them empathy?
Is he too sensitive?
Should I force him to give up the pacifier?
Should I give them chores?
Should I give them vitamins?
Should we teach them more about religion?
What do I do when I reach the end of my rope?
What do their teachers think of me?
Why can't he play independently?
Why can't I admit I need help?
Why do I feel like I've failed if I get help?
Why do other moms seem to have it more together than me?
Why is this so hard?

Now what?

Random Act of Kindness - A Mother's Pride

Just this year, the boys' school inaugurated new, extended hours corresponding with a normal, full kindergarten day. Not many kids beyond the kindergartners stay until the end of the day. RC gets out of school two hours earlier than HRH.

Today, we were returning to school just a few minutes into Barack Obama's first press conference and I may have dawdled for just a minute in the car. I entered the building as two or three other mommies and children were exiting. HRH was one of two remaining students.

As we, ourselves left the building, HRH stopped and asked me to wait, while turning and heading back into the building. Just inside the door waited the remaining child. HRH handed the boy a drawing he had made that day and said to the boy, 'I want you to have this because my mom is here and yours isn't here yet.' HRH returned to me and said that he gave the boy the drawing because he wanted to make him feel better.

I don't have to tell you how proud this makes me.

Potty Mouth

Psst, Clorox:

Wanna make a mint? Invent a non-toxic, drinkable bleach product. And here's why:

Item 1: We are at my sister's house and RC has just completed his first successful peep of the new potty-training season. Manic Mommy is at the sink washing her hands after assisting with said endeavor. RC spies the plunger parked next to Auntie's toilet. Before MM can reach him/screech loud enough to wake the dead, RC has upended the plumber's helper and licks. it. Various washing and rinsing ensues. But where's the bleach?

Item 2: First Day of preschool. Andy has taken the day off to accompany RC to orientation while MM attends HRH's Welcome Mass. After we pick up HRH, we take the boys to Friendly's for an ice cream. Except for RC, we each order what turns out to be a pretty meager portion and consequently begin taking little bites from RC's massive make-your-own-sundae.

It is with the taste of hot fudge and Reeses Pieces still upon my tongue that Andy suddenly remembers the men's room incident that had taken place not ten minutes earlier:

RC is standing in front of the toilet having already fondled caressed lifted the toilet seat and is attempting to simultaneously hold the seat up, keep his shirt tucked under his chin, and aim. He is one hand short, and so, he leans forward and places the edge of the toilet seat between his lips to hold it up and proceeds to urinate.

Andy acted fast but of course, the damage was already done. He proceeded to make RC rinse his mouth out and wash his face/lips/hands with Friendly soap. But again, where's the bleach?

Did I mention that I was eating RC's ice cream as the story unfolded? What's a mom to do? I buy fluoride-free toothpaste for him because that's dangerous if ingested. How about the most germ-laden surfaces know to mom?

Please tell me your worst. Am I the only mother with a really, gross little kid?Let me know that his immune system is strong enough to handle it - and that it. will. stop.

Sincerely,

Manic Germaphobe Mommy

The Mom that Roared

I should have seen this coming. How could I forget who I am? As each of you has blogged, tweeted, and commented your anxieties about your babies going off to school, I sat here in my little haven I like to call De Nile and pondered if I was the bad mom who couldn't wait for school to come.

Forget no more. The name on the blog ain't Manic Mommy for nothing. And today, it hit me.

Today was HRH's Welcome Back Mass with the entire school present. I attended the mass because families were invited and I couldn't chance HRH being "the only kid whose mommy wasn't there" even if he didn't even know I was. So as I'm sitting in the back of the church with a few dozen other moms and two dads, I peered around to see just how small HRH looked next to his eighth grade assigned "buddy". His head barely cleared the back of the pew. My boy, my baby.

I began thinking about his anxieties about school (his perception of three timeouts on day one), about the things I'd heard about his teacher (all work, no play...not overly warm...), and about my own ideas of what his educational experience should look like. And the more I looked at Mrs. Smith with her dark corkscrew curls tied back in a severe ponytail, the deep set eyes, the unsmiling mouth, she began to morph into The Wicked Witch of the West or maybe just Miss Gulch. She held all the cards in deciding whether this first year of my child's formal education would foster his nascent love of learning and nurture his spirit.

I don't effing think so.

My protective instincts came screaming to the fore. This is my son. I am his advocate. He is brilliant and sensitive and thoughtful and mine. He is capable of great things.

I believe in our choice of school - the principal sent us a quick email day one to know that he'd visited the kindergarten classrooms and all was well. The faculty and facilities, the activities and the community are what drew us to the school. This environment is one in which HRH can thrive.

I have some qualms about his teacher but I am willing and hoping to be wrong.

I will work with or against anyone to ensure his education and his educational experience is everything he deserves it to be.

And so, Mrs. Smith and the rest of St. Somewhere, remember my face. You'll be seeing a lot of it.

Strength in Numbers

If you've got a sec, could you please head over to my new friend, Meghan's Place? A good friend of hers is nearly 30 weeks pregnant and her little yet-to-be born boy requires in utero surgery to repair his failing kidneys.

We all spend about nine months praying for nothing more than a healthy baby. And most of us get just that.

Pass along some good wishes, strong healing thoughts, and some powerful prayers to help out Meghan's friend Hanna and her baby, Andrew.

Thank you.

1 Year Blogoversary - 100 Things

I started reading blogs around April or May of 2007, when my friend and neighbor send me a link. By June, I was hooked. By July, HRH fell and split his head open - and my first post was born. I started my blog right around the time of BlogHer 07. It seemed fitting.

This week, I am again home while bloggers from across the nation converge to discuss, learn, and drink. But it was different. This year, I would have had friends to hang out with. I may have even had a roommate. And each day, each month, I find more friends and more in common with women I may never meet but whom I feel I know well only through their words and my own.

In honor of my first Blogoversary, I give to you, My 100 Things:

1. I had my tonsils out when I was 4. When I was in my late 20s, I went to an ENT specialist following a series of strep throat infections and learned that they had grown back.

2. This same thing happened to my mother-in-law

3. I can touch my nose with my tongue

4. When I was eight years old, I knocked boiling water onto my left ankle while we were camping. I can still remember my mother and uncle grabbing me and peeling off my sneaker and sock, and watching my skin peel off with it.

5. When I was 20 and all my friends had already turned 21, I had a fake ID that I used.

6. My name was Maria Siasios and the license listed me as 5’ 2”. I’m 5’7”

7. One night at The Boston Beach Club, a guy I was flirting with talking to saw it and told me he was with the ABC (Alcoholic Beverage Commission). My friend, Jen grabbed me and we hauled ass out of the club.

8. Years later, I was telling this story and my brother-in-law told me this was a ploy he used to use.

9. I’m going to be co-maid of honor in my younger sister’s wedding next spring.

10. My older sister is the other maid.

11. We are both married but refuse to use the term “matron”

12. I have been in eight weddings.

13. We were also co-maids-of-honor at my cousin’s wedding, nearly 9 years ago.

14. This same cousin and I were engaged at the same time, got married within six months of each other and have been pregnant with each of our respective two children at the same time.

15. She’s pregnant again and due in January.

16. She’s flying solo this time.

17. Despite my earlier yearnings, I think we’re gonna sit tight with the two we’ve already got.

18. My driver’s license expires on 09/09/09.

19. The same thing happened a few (uh, like 10) years ago, when it expired on 9/9/99.

20. On a work boondoggle trip to Vegas, I learned how to play craps and kept winning on number 9.

21. That was my third trip to Vegas for work and the first time I actually enjoyed being there.

22. Andy and I went to Vegas three months after 9/11 and stayed two nights at the New York New York, with non-stop round trip tickets from Boston for $550.00 total for the both of us.

23. I have a restraining order against an old boyfriend whom I found in my bedroom closet five years after we broke up.

24. Andy and I were introduced by JD Power’s daughter.

25. She’s married to Andy’s cousin and I used to work with her.

26. Two years ago, we had JD and his wife over for Thanksgiving dinner.

27. I pushed Andy away for more than a year, insisting we were “just friends” because of my steamer trunk baggage.

28. He didn’t give up on me, thank God.

29. Both of my boys were born with their umbilical cord wrapped around their neck.

30. HRH was born a month to the day early at 5 lbs 9 oz.

31. RC was born via emergency c-section at 6 lbs 14 oz.

32. I much preferred the Cesarean to pushing a baby out of my vagina.

33. I love Mexican food.

34. I could eat nothing but guacamole and chips quite happily for the rest of my life.

35. I was eating and later threw up guacamole the night I went into labor with HRH.

36. I like California Mexican better than Tex-Mex.

37. I visited San Antonio on business quite a few times a few years ago.

38. People in San Antonio really do wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats – and drive pickups.

39. The Alamo is really, really boring. And small. The Riverwalk is quite cool.

40. I have a theme song. It’s Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.

41. Jimmy Buffett does a nice cover of it and when we’re at the concert, I pretend he’s singing it just to me.

42. This will be my 11th year seeing Jimmy Buffett in concert.

43. I’m claustrophobic but not debilitatingly so. More like, if given a choice, I’ll take the stairs.

44. I’m not ticklish.

45. Change is really hard for me. Even if I’m going out to do something I really want to do, part of me is thinking “maybe we can just stay home and watch TV.”

46. I have a head for trivia and useless knowledge.

47. My sister recently called me for that word that describes words that are spelled the same backwards and forwards, like racecar.

48. That word is palindrome.

49. I love board games. Trivial Pursuit in particular. Go figure.

50. The problem is that I judge people’s intelligence based on their game-playing prowess.

51. I also do this with misspelled/mispronounced/misused words.

52. This is why I find texting language so difficult.

53. Kevin Bacon is A Number 1 on my List.

54. You know, the free pass your spouse gives you to sleep with one (usually famous) person should you ever find yourself presented with the opportunity.

55. KB has been on the top of my list since I saw him in Footloose when I was 15.

56. George Clooney currently resides in second place.

57. Ocean’s 11 is on right now and I hate Julia Robert’s gold lame dress.

58. I also think she walks with the grace of an elephant, although she’s supposed to play elegant.

59. I think Michelle Pfeiffer is luminous. George described her as such in One Fine Day.

60. Andy and I both love The Mummy with Brenden Fraser and Rachel Weisz.

61. Rachel Weisz is probably currently Andy’s A Number 1.

62. I was baptized Catholic and spent 12 years in Catholic school.

63. We baptized both our boys Catholic.

64. I went to church religiously weekly until after we were married.

65. Clearly Andy’s converted me to The Dark Side

66. I used to be a lector at my church.

67. These days, I am an ala carte Catholic

68. There’s too much I don’t agree with.

69. I wanted to convert to Episcopal but Andy believes “you gotta dance with the one that brung ya.”

70. I absolutely believe in God.

71. There’s too much out there that had to be created by a higher power.

72. I also believe that there is a universality that exists, linking all of us together and affecting the outcome.

73. I think that people who say they are spiritual but not religious haven’t figured out what they’re looking for.

74. We’re sending HRH to Catholic school in the fall.

75. We’ll have to start attending church again.

76. You know, so we’re not hypocritical.

77. I’ve been cramming with him to learn The Sign of the Cross, Hail Mary and Our Father.

78. We have been doing ‘God Blesses’ with the boys since they were infants.

79. We talk about God and Heaven and they know who The Big Man is.

80. We’re sending him to Catholic school less because we want him to receive a Catholic-centric education as because we don’t like the alternatives available to us in our current public school system.

81. Generally, I feel that good public schools offer more alternatives than parochial schools.

82. Education is a top priority in Andy’s family.

83. He and his four siblings all went to top private schools.

84. I’ve completed four years of college but don’t have a degree.

85. That is really, really hard for me to admit.

86. I had this stupid idea you were supposed to know what you wanted to be when you grew up in order to complete college.

87. My dad was a blue collar hero whose favorite expression was ‘fucking yuppies.’

88. As a result, I didn’t get a lot of support from him on the college front.

89. Especially when I was initially an undeclared major.

90. Working without a degree and doing pretty well taught me that you don’t have to love what you do to be good at it.

91. One of my biggest regrets is not going away to college. I partially blame a tiny Catholic school and a really shitty guidance counselor for that.

92. Not having a degree is my biggest insecurity.

93. I’m very smart but don’t have the piece of paper to back it up.

94. I have finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up; interior design.

95. I get to go to school when RC starts full-time kindergarten. Two years and counting.

96. I think if I were to pursue a career without first finishing my degree, it would be Real Estate.

97. Part of the reason I will get my degree is so I can never be an excuse for my kids.

98. I used to think I was a very good writer before I started reading blogs.

99. I still think I’m a good writer.

100. I know I am a survivor.

Vacation Moments

HRH: His Royal Halibut...we couldn't keep him out of the water. RC in his Hawaiian Elmo "bagging suit"

My mom and I went out one night and Andy got the boys out of bed to catch a rainbow. I hope you can see it.I can't recommend the Pirate Adventure highly enough for ages 3 to about 7 or 8. Arrr.
Yes, I was wearing a blue golf shirt and khaki shorts also. No, we didn't do this every day. They boys and Andy were a coincidence, then I saw it and decided to geek out and join in. Andy called us the Griswolds.

Bless him, Andy got up every morning around 6:30 with the boys to go fishing. By Wednesday, they had yet to catch anything. He thinks it had less to do with his skills as a fisherman and more to do with the large number of rocks being thrown into the water beside the fishing lines.

At this point, it was time to find a boat. Let me give a shout out to another local, Cap't Danny and Clamneck Charters, who have a very kid-centric 1 1/2 hour catch-and-release fishing trip staying inside Lewis Bay. Each kid must have caught at least a school of porgies.We had a fantatic deck off our bedroom where we were able to set up a telescope and show the boys the moon close up.

I don't think they made it to bed at the correct time the entire week. Vacations are about saying 'yes' more than you normally can.

Maybe they'll be astronauts or astronomers.

Or maybe they'll just remember another family vacation on the Cape.

You Belong To Me

July 15, 2000 Andy and I were married.

He is my best friend, my lover, the best father I could ask for my children, my reward, and the answer to my prayers.

Then we went to Italy:

This is really what Venice looks like from the air, when you're arriving at Marco Polo Airport. I thought I understood a city on canals. I didn't until I saw this.

We walked everywhere in Venice, mostly following our Fodors Guide and getting hopelessly lost.

This is the Grand Canal and it really looks like this.

Everywhere you look is a postcard waiting to be shot.

When my sister, Danni and I were tweens, we stayed up late one night when my parents were out watching a movie called A Little Romance about an American girl and French boy who run away to Venice. They were told by an old man (Sir Laurence Oliver) that if you kissed under the Bridge of Sighs that your love would last forever.

Andy and I kissed under the Bridge during a gondola ride.





Happy Anniversary, Babe. I wouldn't change a minute.

**Except maybe for that labor and delivery part.

Scenes (to and) from an Italian Restaurant

Scene 1: Mommy's car. The eight minute drive to meet Andy at a local Italian restaurant.

HRH (age 5): RC? Do you beat me up because you want to be like me?

MM (springs like a cat, sensing an opening): You know, RC, HRH does peeps and poops in the potty...

RC (age 3): Sure, HRH. I want to be like you. (what.ev.)

HRH (this, he can understand): Oh! Okay! When you and I have some private time, I'll show you so you can be more like me.

RC (already losing interest in the topic): Okay.

HRH (mentoring-ly): RC, do you want to sing the ABCs?

Manic Mommy smiles slyly...brotherly love and potty training.

RC (in perfect pitch): A B C D...I don't like you...

Manic Mommy sighs...

~~~~~~~~

Scene 2: Upon arriving in parking lot where Daddy is waiting to point out the spot next to his car.

HRH and RC (excitedly): Daddy!

Daddy: Hi Boys!

RC (as Daddy extricates him from the car): Daddy! We beat you here!

~~~~~~~~~

Scene 3: Upon arriving home in Daddy's car as Manic Mommy extricates RC from his carseat.

RC (enthusiastically): Mommy, I like Daddy better than you!

MM bites tongue...almost bedtime

Summer Cold

You wake
With a cough
Too hot
Cozy on the couch
Blanket and pillow
DVD
More juice
We move through the day
Time for bed
Snuggling
Tired boy
You fall right to sleep
You wake coughing and crying, again
I move you to our bed and lie with you
Mommy's here
I kiss your forehead to check your temperature
Still hot
I kiss you again
Just because
You cough
You cry
So tired
I comfort
I love you

Really Random Stuff

RC: Wow. Wow! WOW!

MM: What is it, buddy?

RC: Nothing, Mommy. I'm just wowing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired of Green Eggs and Ham? Try today's special:

Although it's one of the lesser known Seusses, this was the book that my 34-year-old brother LOVED when he was a kid. So much so that every member of my household had it memorized. I remember it fondly when I was an 8-year-old-girl reading it to my 3-year-old brother and I love it now that I'm a 39-year-old mom reading to my 3- and 5-year-old sons.

~~~~~~~(no good way to segue here)

I had a dream last night that I was late coming home because I was having a rendezvous with Sawyer from Lost. I did. not. want to wake up.

No Matter What

Yesterday afternoon, we are once again out on the school playground, RC happily and peacefully playing in the sandbox with his girlfriend, Sophia, me, chatting it up with the other mommies, and HRH...

I heard a funny "click" sort of noise and turned to see HRH completing his pitch, arm returning to his side. "What did you just throw?" I ask. "A rock," he answers.

And as I stand there, I can hear a strange hum and look to see the LARGE plate glass window of HRH's preschool splintering into a million little spider-webby cracks. It took me a minute to process and called to another mommy-friend to make sure that I was seeing what I thought I was seeing. Sure enough, HRH had broken the window - but good. Marilyn says, "you need to go tell the Director." Um...yeah...

I call the two boys and head for the school's entrance. HRH grabs my arm and I turn to find him crying. "Please don't tell Mrs. Stoffel!" He pleads. "I've got to, buddy. This is a big deal." He doesn't want to follow and I eventually tell him to stay with Marilyn while I go in search of a teacher.

As the director and I examine the damage, she sighs, "it's the big window." Of course it is. It's also shatterproof glass so although it's smashed into a million pieces it's still intact, for the time being.

Afterward, RC and I go back to the playground to get HRH. He's no where to be found. The other mommies said he'd followed me into the school. I begin searching the school and calling for him. The remaining teachers and Director hear me and begin looking as well. Minutes that felt like weeks later, his own teacher finds HRH hiding behind a large bush in the front of the building. She calls to us and when I arrive, she's hugging him and telling him it's okay. He is sobbing and his face is blotchy red.

I get down on my knees and hug him telling him how worried I was, that he should never hide when he's afraid, that although I didn't like what he did, this was an accident, it was okay, and all the other soothing mommy things. He looks at me and says, "I didn't think anybody would want to see me again." I answer that I love him and everyone understands it was an accident. He says "I didn't know if you'd still love me after that." I answer,

"Babe, you know how I always tell you 'I love you, no matter what'? Well, this is no matter what. And I love you. Let's go home."

We've discussed it. We've talked to Daddy. We learned that he was throwing the rock at the playhouse in front of the windows, not at the windows himself. What we did not do was punish him. If the goal of punishment is to help the child learn from his mistakes and feel a sense of remorse, I didn't have to do a thing. Except catch him when he fell.