Monday, August 9, 2010

Let Me Hear Your War Cry!

What?  This stuff doesn't happen at your house??

Last week, I am awakened from blissful slumber in the middle of the night by the sound of my husband doing his best Braveheart immitation.  (I actually likened it to that scene in Return of the King when Aragorn says, "For Frodo,"  then runs headlong into a phalanx of Orcs at the Black Gate.  But I digresss....)

I go from sound asleep to still asleep but on my feet, running, and yelling "What? What?!" while following my husband, in full battle cry exiting our bedroom.  Here is his sequence of events:

0.0 microseconds - Andy awakens to the sound of HRH screaming. 

0.1 - Mind immediately processes "HRH is having a nightmare."

0.2  - Localizing sound...HRH is sleeping in Gremlin's room...sound not coming from Gremlin's room!

0.3 - Clearly, HRH is being dragged from the house by a kidnapper and is screaming in terror!

0.325 - Every microliter of adreneline empties into bloodstream.

0.4 - Eject from bed, issuing war cry to alert kidnapper to his approach with intent of kidnapper dropping HRH.

0.5 - Formulate plan while running down hall: Will bodily throw kidnapper down flight of stairs then land on top of him and proceed to pummel him until dead.

1.0 - Arrive at top of stairs where HRH is standing at the safety gate, alone, still asleep, and screaming.

1.5 - Processing...Child is not being kidnapped.  Child is sleepwalking, came up against the safety gate and could not compute.

2.0 - Hugging child. Adrenaline still flowing like oil into the Gulf.

2.5 - Second, totally confused child emerges from bedroom to find out what all the screaming is about.

3.0 - Still piecing it all together, Mommy ushers everyone toward our bedroom to calm everyone down, try to return to sleep mode.

3.5 - Best guess is Daddy will be prepared to sleep by Thursday.


Stimey said...

OMG, that is hysterical. You know, from here. In the middle of the day.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Oh, my. Good dad!

Ash said...

Oh my word. Thursday if he's lucky - nothing like middle of the night terror to get the blood going.

"Adrenaline still flowing like oil into the Gulf" - love this. Well, you know what I mean.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I have SO been there. Way too often. At least he didn't fall down the stairs, right?

Mama Goose said...

This happens in our house as well - the only difference being it's Mama who races to the rescue at blinding speeds! By the time everyone is calmed and on their way back to bed, Daddy-O emerges from his cozy nest scratching his, er, head in a dreamy blur... "Something going on?"...

The Empress said...

Our house exactly.

Otter Thomas said...

Scary stuff to wake up too. I hope I would be that alert to formulate a plan rather than running into a wall or something.

SoccerMom said...

I used to be a sleep walker.

But I am pretty sure the only thing I ever did was pee on things. THinking it was the bathroom.

I suppose that means my parents let me have too many liquids too close to bed time.

nmaha said...

ROFL....this is my first time here and I am crying.....I've found this out too, dads are way more paranoid about safety than moms.


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