Perhaps They Could Try Meditation?

Dear Skanks,

Thank you so much for disrupting my yoga class this morning by choosing that spot directly outside of the aerobics studio door to have your screaming fight. It was bad enough when I believed that you were fellow gym-goers. Imagine my surprise to learn that you were not members but rather employees. Also, kudos on your weapon choices in your verbal sparring. "oh yeah" and "who do you think you're talking to" are indeed fighting words worthy of losing your jobs.

We are not a fancy gym (clearly). Our membership is largely mommies looking to lose baby weight and college kids. At the same time, we are thankfully not peopled by muscle-heads in workboots or (I thought) classless bitches waiting to gouge each other's eyes out.

I'm sure gym sales people such as yourselves will find no trouble finding work in this economy. Good luck in unemployment! Maybe you can each find a nice guy on permanent disability from a "back injury" incurred while loading trucks.

Pheromone Phriday

There's a hot guy in yoga class and I'm not sure how I feel about it.

I mean, on the one hand THERE'S A HOT GUY IN YOGA CLASS! He's got a sort of Taye Diggs quality about him although not quite as buff (few are). Did I mention he groans and breathes heavily when he's working a posture? He's friendly, complimentary of our work, and earnestly trying. And two weeks in a row, he's parked his mat next to mine!

On the other hand, he's changing the atmosphere of the class. The Friday class is made up of women like me, a few older women, and like one guy there with his pregnant wife. Yoga is one of the few places I go where I don't think about how I look. I'm going there to improve my body and calm my mind. Now suddenly, I'm wondering about or worse yet, checking out my ass as I move through Warrior II into Extended Side Angle.

The thing is I'm not the only one acting like a sophomore trying to be cool in front of the captain of the football team. Class regular, Liz is sidling up to a stretched-out Taye before class and providing him with a demonstration of how he might better work his downward dog. Mmm Hmm. And Lisa, our bookish, sweet instructor is suddenly spending juuuust a leettle more time with him "may I assist you?" she asks. But that's not what I see in her eyes.

So. What to do? I suppose I'll look on it as a positive. Skipping Friday yoga won't be quite as attractive as it's been at times. I really needed some cute new yoga clothes. And we'll find out if sweatproof makeup lives up to the hype.

Namaste.

Manic Mommy Goes to Step Aerobics...

Damn it. Five minutes late. Maybe I'll just do the machines. Nah. Just go in.

Oh great. Only space left located behind the column. Just as well, I don't like to cause a fuss. Heh.

Out of step and out of breath. Already.

OMG. If the instructor's ass jiggles, what must I look like?

What was I thinking trying to do football drills after birthing two babies?

Back from Ladies Room. Much better.

It's 9:20. Maybe I'll leave at 9:30.

Shit. I've already finished my water.

Jeez. Someone in here really smells bad.

OMG. I hope it's not me.

Probably not me.

I'm hungry. Wish I'd eaten something.

Nah. I would have thrown it up by now.

Why does the instructor keep coming over by me?

Wrong foot (again).

Maybe that's why.

Oh, I remember this from when I used to take Step back in the 90s...in my 20s.

That woman in the back is taking her pulse. Is she having a heart attack?

God, all I need is the white man's overbite and I'll look like Billy Crystal at a wedding.

I was dancing at the wedding Saturday night. Does that count as exercise?

Nah. Probably just offsets the food and drinking.

Those stuffed mushrooms were delicious.

Heh. The girl with the tattoos is finally out of step.

Wow. Marilyn's only lifting one weight at a time. Maybe I'm in better shape than I thought.

Damn. She's got the eight pounders.

Oh! Abba! Dancing Queen, young and sweet, only seventeeeeen.

My lungs are burning.

Maybe I'll stay for my regular yoga class after this.

Need to take a little rest or I'm gonna die.

Probably not staying for yoga.

I feel so bad for Jen having to be behind me.

I wonder if I'll get better if I come every week.

Thank God. It's 9:50. We're almost done.

I'm gonna make it.

What? We're doing crunches now?

Crunches? Dude.

I...am...so...DONE...

Do You Recognize This Face?

Dear Boys:

Do you know who this is?

It's Mommy. No, really. It is Mommy.

This weekend, while you were making gingerbread men and reading "Gingerbread Friends" with Gram, Daddy and I found our smiles.

We went to a special place in the sky called The Mount Washington Hotel. Just Mom and Dad. No, just Christine and Andy.

We didn't bring the 20-minute conference calls that morph into 2 1/2 hours, or the possibly-totaled Trailblazer, or even the kindergarten transition anxiety (Mommy's, not yours, HRH). We even left the wifi, the Vice Presidential debate, and the $700 billion bail out package at home. We knew it would all be here when we got home -- and it was.

Rather, we slept, and read, and ate, and drank, and talked, and lived.

Mom and Dad LOVE being your parents. There is nothing more important to us than doing that well. But we have been neglecting Andy and Christine lately. And it's shown. In the way we behave toward each other and the two of you. And certainly in the way we treat ourselves. This weekend, while we were here, we remembered to be kind to ourselves. And we remembered our smiles.

I hope we'll be seeing them a lot more.

The Potty Whisperer - A Fable

You know how our brains forget the pain of childbirth as a way of ensuring the propagation of the species? There are some other things that our brains hide from us because if we remembered the trauma, we'd never willingly go through it again. For me, it's potty training. I suck at it. It's been two weeks and one day and as I look at RC dancing around in yet another pair of Diego big boy underwear, I think it might be okay to talk about without fear of breaking the spell.


Two Thursdays ago, as I was stepping into the shower HRH screeched upstairs at his most ear-splitting decibel that RC had just peed on the living room rug. Same shit, different day or something like that. I stood in the shower trying to calm down, taking deep yogic breaths, and reviewing my options.

I could-. Tried. Failed.

Maybe if-. Tried. Failed.

What about-? Tried. Failed.

Post shower and no more prepared to deal, I went into RC's room and grabbed two pair of 'big boy underwear' from his drawer. I stomped into the living room (avoiding the pee spot) and held up both pair. "Is it going to be Mickey Mouse Clubhouse or Speed Racer?" Huh? "Because I'm throwing all your diapers away. We. are. done."

I then proceeded to take every diaper in the house and toss it in the trash. I wasn't enthusiastic, I wasn't encouraging, I didn't begin to address the rug incident. And I would brook no argument. I resigned myself to never entering a bathroom alone until we were done, packed up seven or eight changes of clothes, and left the house. The boy went about six hours without peeing before finally giving in - in the potty.

Initially, I thought my timing was way off. We were leaving the next day for Storyland. But wait! Daddy would be along for this ride. And so it was, like so many other projects in our marriage, I started the ball rolling and my husband, God bless him, carried it through to completion! He nagged, he cajoled, he sat on the lip of the bathtub and read endless books and offered encouragement. And in the end, my boy was trained! He got his bike last Saturday.

My husband, The Potty Whisperer.

You Can't Go Om Again...

Dick Clark:
Welcome to $25,000 Pyramid! Let's play our game!


Joan Van Ark:
Babysitting
Day Camp
Family Time
Hangover
Playdates
Running of the Brides
Swimming Lessons
Vacation
Weekend Get-Away
Yoganatrix

Brett Sommers:
Reasons why Christine hasn't been to yoga in over a month?

Bell:
Ding! Ding! Ding!


Gavin McLeod:
Loss of Flexibility
Loss of Muscletone
Neck Pain
Return of Cellulite
Stressed Out
Weight Gain

Charles Nelson Reilly:
Results of Christine's absence from yoga?

Bell:
Ding! Ding! Ding!


Paul Lynde:
Glad to Be Back
Out of Shape
Stiff
Tired
Uncoordinated

Whoopie Goldberg:
How Christine felt to be back in yoga today?

Bell:
Ding! Ding! Ding!


Dick Clark:
Christine wins three months of yoga at her gym to get back to where she was in June!

Thank you all for playing our game!


Namaste.

1 Year Blogoversary - 100 Things

I started reading blogs around April or May of 2007, when my friend and neighbor send me a link. By June, I was hooked. By July, HRH fell and split his head open - and my first post was born. I started my blog right around the time of BlogHer 07. It seemed fitting.

This week, I am again home while bloggers from across the nation converge to discuss, learn, and drink. But it was different. This year, I would have had friends to hang out with. I may have even had a roommate. And each day, each month, I find more friends and more in common with women I may never meet but whom I feel I know well only through their words and my own.

In honor of my first Blogoversary, I give to you, My 100 Things:

1. I had my tonsils out when I was 4. When I was in my late 20s, I went to an ENT specialist following a series of strep throat infections and learned that they had grown back.

2. This same thing happened to my mother-in-law

3. I can touch my nose with my tongue

4. When I was eight years old, I knocked boiling water onto my left ankle while we were camping. I can still remember my mother and uncle grabbing me and peeling off my sneaker and sock, and watching my skin peel off with it.

5. When I was 20 and all my friends had already turned 21, I had a fake ID that I used.

6. My name was Maria Siasios and the license listed me as 5’ 2”. I’m 5’7”

7. One night at The Boston Beach Club, a guy I was flirting with talking to saw it and told me he was with the ABC (Alcoholic Beverage Commission). My friend, Jen grabbed me and we hauled ass out of the club.

8. Years later, I was telling this story and my brother-in-law told me this was a ploy he used to use.

9. I’m going to be co-maid of honor in my younger sister’s wedding next spring.

10. My older sister is the other maid.

11. We are both married but refuse to use the term “matron”

12. I have been in eight weddings.

13. We were also co-maids-of-honor at my cousin’s wedding, nearly 9 years ago.

14. This same cousin and I were engaged at the same time, got married within six months of each other and have been pregnant with each of our respective two children at the same time.

15. She’s pregnant again and due in January.

16. She’s flying solo this time.

17. Despite my earlier yearnings, I think we’re gonna sit tight with the two we’ve already got.

18. My driver’s license expires on 09/09/09.

19. The same thing happened a few (uh, like 10) years ago, when it expired on 9/9/99.

20. On a work boondoggle trip to Vegas, I learned how to play craps and kept winning on number 9.

21. That was my third trip to Vegas for work and the first time I actually enjoyed being there.

22. Andy and I went to Vegas three months after 9/11 and stayed two nights at the New York New York, with non-stop round trip tickets from Boston for $550.00 total for the both of us.

23. I have a restraining order against an old boyfriend whom I found in my bedroom closet five years after we broke up.

24. Andy and I were introduced by JD Power’s daughter.

25. She’s married to Andy’s cousin and I used to work with her.

26. Two years ago, we had JD and his wife over for Thanksgiving dinner.

27. I pushed Andy away for more than a year, insisting we were “just friends” because of my steamer trunk baggage.

28. He didn’t give up on me, thank God.

29. Both of my boys were born with their umbilical cord wrapped around their neck.

30. HRH was born a month to the day early at 5 lbs 9 oz.

31. RC was born via emergency c-section at 6 lbs 14 oz.

32. I much preferred the Cesarean to pushing a baby out of my vagina.

33. I love Mexican food.

34. I could eat nothing but guacamole and chips quite happily for the rest of my life.

35. I was eating and later threw up guacamole the night I went into labor with HRH.

36. I like California Mexican better than Tex-Mex.

37. I visited San Antonio on business quite a few times a few years ago.

38. People in San Antonio really do wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats – and drive pickups.

39. The Alamo is really, really boring. And small. The Riverwalk is quite cool.

40. I have a theme song. It’s Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.

41. Jimmy Buffett does a nice cover of it and when we’re at the concert, I pretend he’s singing it just to me.

42. This will be my 11th year seeing Jimmy Buffett in concert.

43. I’m claustrophobic but not debilitatingly so. More like, if given a choice, I’ll take the stairs.

44. I’m not ticklish.

45. Change is really hard for me. Even if I’m going out to do something I really want to do, part of me is thinking “maybe we can just stay home and watch TV.”

46. I have a head for trivia and useless knowledge.

47. My sister recently called me for that word that describes words that are spelled the same backwards and forwards, like racecar.

48. That word is palindrome.

49. I love board games. Trivial Pursuit in particular. Go figure.

50. The problem is that I judge people’s intelligence based on their game-playing prowess.

51. I also do this with misspelled/mispronounced/misused words.

52. This is why I find texting language so difficult.

53. Kevin Bacon is A Number 1 on my List.

54. You know, the free pass your spouse gives you to sleep with one (usually famous) person should you ever find yourself presented with the opportunity.

55. KB has been on the top of my list since I saw him in Footloose when I was 15.

56. George Clooney currently resides in second place.

57. Ocean’s 11 is on right now and I hate Julia Robert’s gold lame dress.

58. I also think she walks with the grace of an elephant, although she’s supposed to play elegant.

59. I think Michelle Pfeiffer is luminous. George described her as such in One Fine Day.

60. Andy and I both love The Mummy with Brenden Fraser and Rachel Weisz.

61. Rachel Weisz is probably currently Andy’s A Number 1.

62. I was baptized Catholic and spent 12 years in Catholic school.

63. We baptized both our boys Catholic.

64. I went to church religiously weekly until after we were married.

65. Clearly Andy’s converted me to The Dark Side

66. I used to be a lector at my church.

67. These days, I am an ala carte Catholic

68. There’s too much I don’t agree with.

69. I wanted to convert to Episcopal but Andy believes “you gotta dance with the one that brung ya.”

70. I absolutely believe in God.

71. There’s too much out there that had to be created by a higher power.

72. I also believe that there is a universality that exists, linking all of us together and affecting the outcome.

73. I think that people who say they are spiritual but not religious haven’t figured out what they’re looking for.

74. We’re sending HRH to Catholic school in the fall.

75. We’ll have to start attending church again.

76. You know, so we’re not hypocritical.

77. I’ve been cramming with him to learn The Sign of the Cross, Hail Mary and Our Father.

78. We have been doing ‘God Blesses’ with the boys since they were infants.

79. We talk about God and Heaven and they know who The Big Man is.

80. We’re sending him to Catholic school less because we want him to receive a Catholic-centric education as because we don’t like the alternatives available to us in our current public school system.

81. Generally, I feel that good public schools offer more alternatives than parochial schools.

82. Education is a top priority in Andy’s family.

83. He and his four siblings all went to top private schools.

84. I’ve completed four years of college but don’t have a degree.

85. That is really, really hard for me to admit.

86. I had this stupid idea you were supposed to know what you wanted to be when you grew up in order to complete college.

87. My dad was a blue collar hero whose favorite expression was ‘fucking yuppies.’

88. As a result, I didn’t get a lot of support from him on the college front.

89. Especially when I was initially an undeclared major.

90. Working without a degree and doing pretty well taught me that you don’t have to love what you do to be good at it.

91. One of my biggest regrets is not going away to college. I partially blame a tiny Catholic school and a really shitty guidance counselor for that.

92. Not having a degree is my biggest insecurity.

93. I’m very smart but don’t have the piece of paper to back it up.

94. I have finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up; interior design.

95. I get to go to school when RC starts full-time kindergarten. Two years and counting.

96. I think if I were to pursue a career without first finishing my degree, it would be Real Estate.

97. Part of the reason I will get my degree is so I can never be an excuse for my kids.

98. I used to think I was a very good writer before I started reading blogs.

99. I still think I’m a good writer.

100. I know I am a survivor.

Won Word Meme

Last week, I joined AllMediocre in the interest of getting a little more traffic to my site (cause I need validation like that) and I'm always interested in reading blogs that might have something in common with mine. Since then, I've been having a good time linking around (cause I'm a bit of a blog slut like that) and reading new friends.

Tonight, I linked onto A Mom Two Boys (cause it sounds familiar) and was on post number 5 or 6 before I realized that it was Meghan who had actually founded All Mediocre (cause I'm sharp like that).

Meghan was tagged with a meme in which you have to answer each question with only one word. Her answers were cute and funny but what made them unusual was that she included a second set of answers expanding on her original single-word answer. I'm stealing both the meme and the extended mix version (cause I like to pay homage like that). I'm also adding A Mom Two Boys to my feeds (cause I like her style).

1. Where is your cell phone? Bag

2. Your significant other? Andy

3. Your hair? Curly

4. Your mother? Me

5. Your father? Dead

6. Your favorite thing? Sleep

7. Your dream last night? ??

8 Your favorite drink? Wine

9. Your dream/goal? Retirement

10. The room you’re in? Kitchen

11. Your hobby? Yoga

12. Your fear? Trouble

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Designing

14. What you’re not? Confident

15. Muffins? Eh

16. One of your wish list items? Bath

17. Where you grew up? Bostonish

18. The last thing you did? TV

19. What are you wearing? Shorts

20. Favorite Gadget? Cell

21. Your pets? Superfluous

22. Your computer? New!!

23. Your mood? Eh

24. Missing someone? Yeah

25. Your car? Hazmat

26. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes

27. Favorite store? Target

28. Like someone? Huz

29. Your favorite color? Green

30. When was the last time you laughed? 4:00-ish

31. Last time you cried? Years

Now the DJ-AM Extended Club Mix:

1. Where is your cell phone? In my purse. Mostly dead. I have to remember to charge it when I'm home because the majority of my car trips are too short to get a good charge.

2. Your significant other? Andy. Just called me into the living room to watch Princess Leah in chains

3. Your hair? Curly. I got it cut over a week ago but still haven't bothered to style it because it's been too humid. And humid + curly = frizz.

4. Your mother? Me. I know what I'm going to be 22 years from now. Always have.

5. Your father? Dead. I let that sleeping dog lie.

6. Your favorite thing? Sleep. Sad, but at this juncture, probably true.

7. Your dream last night? I dreamed a 3-year-old kept getting out of his bed and coming into mine. Oh...wait...

8 Your favorite drink? Wine or maybe Tea. No. Wine.

9. Your dream/goal? Retirement. Summer on the Cape. Winter in Naples, Fl. Freelancing if we want to. And as long as it doesn't interfere with travel or golf.

10. The room you’re in? Kitchen. Because I need to be sitting at a table or desk to type well.

11. Your hobby? Yoga. It goes with that whole mind/body/spirit thing I'm working on.

12. Your fear? Trouble. AKA something bad happening to my family.

13. Where do you want to be in 6 years? Designing. The plan is that after the boys are in school full time, I go back to Boston Architectural College to study interior design. It's good to be nearly 40 and finally figure out what you want to be when you grow up.

14. What you’re not? Confident. I'll let that one stand alone for now as well

15. Muffins? Eh. Brownies on the other hand...

16. One of your wish list items? Bath. As in Master. Whenever we talk about a new house, that is an absolute. The definition of true luxury.

17. Where you grew up? Bostonish. Basically, I've lived in two towns my whole life.

18. The last thing you did? TV. I love almost anything on HGTV. Tonight it was Curb Appeal and Hidden Potential. I can't be bothered to link them.

19. What are you wearing? Shorts. It's 9:46 and still 80 degrees outside. The kitchen temp is 74.7 in case you were interested.

20. Favorite Gadget? Cell phone. I don't know anyone's phone number, I just know their speed dial. I also keep my appointments in there, and take lots of pictures.

21. Your pets? Superfluous. Not true but I needed just one word. They were my practice babies. While we're on vacation, we're making my sister stay at my mother's house so Maddie doesn't need to go to a kennel because at 8 years old, my dog has never spent a single night by herself. I don't think she knows she's a dog and not a person.

22. Your computer? New!! The funny thing is I needed a laptop so I could blog anywhere yet somehow I always end up in the kitchen.

23. Your mood? Eh. I'm in kind of a weird place right now. The boys are kicking my ass and I'm having trouble getting back in the zone.

24. Missing someone? Yeah. My best friend, Chris. It's a long story.

25. Your car? Hazmat. Not only is it my car but it's the family car, too. Just today, I proposed we hang onto it for a boat hauler/winter vehicle for Andy because the trade in will be junk anyway. This will leave me free to get something that still works for the kids and us but has a little more style/better fuel economy. I'm thinking possibly a CR-V.

26. Something you’re not wearing? Shoes. Now it's 79.7 degrees outside

27. Favorite store? Target. Where else can you go to buy a printer ink cartridge, personal lubricant, and five pounds of almonds? Exactly.

28. Like someone? Huz. Andy and I have these 'dates' where we sit in the kitchen, drink wine, and talk. It's sort of nice after 8 years of marriage to still have something to say to one another.

29. Your favorite color? Green (like my cooking)

30. When was the last time you laughed? Earlier. When I came downstairs and found a naked RC coming in the back door stating "I just peed on the deck."

31. Last time you cried? Years. My mom calls us 'the frozen chosen.' Just keep pushing those emotions down, pushing them down.

And hey, look! I'm breaking with tradition and tagging JCK at Motherscribe (cause she's going to Blogher and I'm soooo envious) and Fran at Merlot Mom (cause she is too, dammit!).

Om

This is the picture hanging over my kitchen table. I had it framed in a dark wood frame that exactly matches my table and chairs. The yellow just below the upper set of houses is the exact shade of my walls.

It makes me happy to sit, and drink tea, and look at this scene. In the same way I can watch Under the Tuscan Sun and Much Ado About Nothing over and over again.

Visual bliss.