Okay, Maybe It's a Little True...

The other day, I opened my laptop to find Andy's email open, with this goofy forward from his brother, Greg:

When everybody on earth was dead and waiting to enter Paradise, God appeared and said, "I want the men to make two lines. One line for the men who were true heads of their household, and the other line for the men who were dominated by their women. I want all the women to report to St. Peter."

 
Soon, the women were gone, and there were two lines of men. The line of the men who were dominated by their wives was 100 miles long, and in the line of men who truly were heads of their household, there was only one man.
 

God said to the long line, "You men should be ashamed of yourselves, I created you to be the head of your household! You have been disobedient and have not fulfilled your purpose! Of all of you, only one obeyed. Learn from him."
 

God turned to the one man, "How did you manage to be the only one in this line?"
 

The man replied, "My wife told me to stand here!"

I read it, thinking how stupid it was, surprised that Greg would find it humorous, let alone bother to forward it.  Then I forgot its existence.

Until yesterday. 

I was cooking dinner when an incredibly annoying honking horn entered my consciousness.  Andy investigated and stated it was my neighbor's old car that was still in their driveway.  The neighborhood kids had been in the backyard next door and one of the kids 'checked to see if it was locked' setting off the alarm.  Our neighbor had been notified and was heading out with the keys.

After several more minutes of constant honking.  I looked at Andy and said "You know, it's been going on for a while. If Jackie's not able to get it to shut off with just the key, someone needs to go out there and disconnect the battery." 

So out Andy and his crescent wrench go.

After I got dinner in the oven, I walked over to see how it was going.  The first words out of Jackie's mouth upon my arrival?  If my husband had just gotten rid of this thing last week like I told him to...

"No, stand in that line."

The June Cleaver Response

We've all been on the phone with someone and either you or they say "well, I'd better let you go now" when in reality, it's the person saying it who actually wants to get off the phone.  The little trigger in our heads that makes us say that is "The Politeness Filter".  Scientists have recently discovered a correlating filter that operates in the Mommy Brain.  For our purposes, we'll call it "The June Cleaver Response" or JCR.

Much in the same way the Politeness Filter helps us more easily move through society, the JCR helps us navigate the waters of parenthood in such a way that future therapy bills are kept to a minimum, also allowing us stay well below the radar of Child Protective Services.  Below are a few examples of the JCR in action:

Situation 1: Children milling around the room, underfoot, standing directly in front of exactly where you need to be.
Unfiltered Brain: Get the hell out of the kitchen!!
JCR: Why don't you guys play in the other room?

Situation 2: Child tattling on sibling.
Unfiltered Brain: I don't care!  Just make it stop!
JCR:  Why don't you guys try to work it out yourselves?

Situation 3: Child prattling on unceasingly until you want to stick needles in your eyes.
Unfiltered Brain: Shut up! Shut the f&#k up!!!
JCR:  Sweetie, why don't you rest your voice for a little while?
Note: In the car this translates as: Let's play "who can be quietest the longest?"!

Situation 4: Anything involving food
Unfiltered Brain: For the millionth time, stop eating like a cow!
JCR: Honey, remember to chew with your mouth closed.

Situation 5: Child up for the 3rd/8th/11th time after being put back to bed.
Unfiltered Brain: I don't care if you sleep or not.  Stay in that bed before I tie you to it!
JCR: Just lie in bed and think about all the fun things you'd like to do tomorrow...

Situations 6 through infinity: (fill in the blank)
Unfiltered Brain:  Are you insane? What were you thinking!?
JCR: Buddy, that wasn't a good choice.

Our research would be greatly enhanced by additional examples provided by the reader.


* Apparently the unfiltered brain is quite profane when left to its own devices.

** This post is a work of fiction.  Any resemblance to actual persons, blogging or deceased is purely coincidental. 

Marital Advice Monday *

Nearly a year and a half ago, I wrote this post all about when Andy and I went away for the weekend for our 40th birthdays. It was the first time in our parental life that we had together left the boys for two whole nights in a row. It was heaven. And we haven't done it since...until last Friday night.

News Flash! All that stuff I wrote about spending time away being important for a marriage and a soul? It's still there!  We're in a pretty meh place right now.  Compared to most, we're good and for that, I am eternally grateful.  But the day-to-day of winter/school/marriage/house/vitamin D deficient/job uncertainty/parenting still weighs and wears on us.

Last Friday, we shipped the kids off to Nana's where new toys, undivided attention, and late bedtimes awaited them, while we strolled off to Foxwoods for a 21-hour, anti-family vacation.  There, we didn't have deep discussions about our future; what school districts we need to look at, what needs to be done to our house and our debt ratio before we try and sell.  We didn't discuss the next phase of Andy's career or my education.

We had drinks in our hands within 10 minutes of checking in.  We ate appetizers for dinner at The Hard Rock Cafe.  We people-watched, played nickle slots and roulette, and joked about inconsequential things.  And you know what?  Underneath it all, our smiles are still there. 

And so, here is my advice to you:  Find a willing grandparent, aunt, uncle, friend, or mailman on whom you can foist your beloved children.  Leave extra food out for the cat.  Pack it up and head out of Dodge.  Everything will be there when you get back.  And maybe, just maybe, you'll get your groove back, too.


*title lovingly bastardized from my friend (and BlogHer '09 roomie) KC's hysterical Medical Advice Monday posts.

Impotent Rage

It's a balmy 17 degrees out with the wind whipping up to around 30 mph, we just returned home from picking up HRH at school and I. am. furious.

Not wanting to venture too far out in the cold and wind, Gremlin and I arrived at HRH's school 45 minutes before dismissal to get the last coveted parking spot in the drop-off/pick-up driveway. Mission accomplished, I turned onto the side street that spills out onto the main street, where the school is located. There is a crossing guard at the driveway exit and today, a police officer stationed at the main street.

As I waited in the line of traffic to make the right on to the main street, the wind blew over the construction barrel positioned at the entrance to the street. Traffic moved and I drove around the barrel, starting the right turn. The police officer raised his white-mittened hand toward the area I had just abandoned.

Obeying the usual traffic rules of the road, I completed the turn then came to a stop behind other (stopped) traffic. The officer approached and I lowered my window. He immediately bellowed into my face "When I say stop, you stop!" I responded with a dispassionate, "I apologize."

Is it done? Apparently not. He continues screaming "You see the hand? When it goes up, you stop!" He may have yelled something more, I can't remember what. It's so hard to see through the red haze of anger. Eventually, he went back to the job he is being paid to perform.

How dare he? I am not some juvie driving a stolen car, drunk or stoned, past curfew. I am a 41-year-old stay at home mother driving a crossover SUV with my two young boys in the car, at a school.

I am sorry you drew the short straw and got a traffic detail. I'm sorry it's cold as a gravedigger's ass. Maybe I'm even sorry that I misinterpreted your motion and didn't stop right away. But how dare you, HOW DARE YOU speak to me that way in front of my children?

I'm not going to pursue it any further. I'll keep my driving record the way it is. Instead, I had to explain the bad behavior of one whose job it is 'to protect and to serve' to the boys. And that the police - even this neanderthal - are still our friends.

Stranger Than Fiction

Sarah at Slouching Past 40 challenged her readers to write a story in 100 words. This is my submission and my true story:


It was a Sunday night and she’d opted not to stay at her fiancé’s house but head back to her place to start off the week.

She couldn’t put her finger on it, the house simply “felt funny.” Still, she saw nothing unusual in the semi-darkness. Flipping lights as she went, she walked toward the bedroom.

As she reached for the closet door, he stepped out.

“Please don’t,” he asked as she backed away, reaching for the phone. For a moment she almost stopped. If he just left, it would be okay.

Then, “No. Never again.” She dialed the police.

Don't You Forget About Me

When I was a senior in high school, one of the kids in our class organized a spring break trip to Bermuda. I don't know what my parents were thinking but they agreed I could go. I distinctly remember the cost being $510.00 for a full week at the Elbow Beach Hotel. I got my first part-time job as a bank teller to pay for the trip. My boyfriend of two years was already in college but he and most of my best friends' boyfriends also arranged to come with us.

Come April, we boarded a charter flight and headed to what is still one of the best vacations of my life. We ended up in a little two-room suite cabana overlooking the beautiful beach below. Unbeknownst to any of our parents, our room ended up with me, my boyfriend, Stephen, my best friend, Chris, her boyfriend, Pat, my friend Sue, and her boyfriend, Chris. We also had Joe, Chuck, Shelly, Jen, Sean, and half our senior class coming and going as they pleased. Some more than others.

It was an amazing vacation in a fabulous place. We rented mopeds and explored the island. I remember swimming out to dance on a reef to the music of The Bermuda Strollers reggae band as they played on our beach. I remember the tropical fish swimming along the reef that could put Nemo and his friends to shame.

Some nights, we would sit in the piano bar singing along to standards with Sid, the elderly British piano player. And we would drink rum swizzles and mai tais. We would travel between groups of friends, exploring, talking, laughing, and drinking. With this our first shot at legal drinking (18 in Bermuda), you can bet we over-indulged but for the most part, we never got too crazy or did anything too dangerous.

Except for one classmate, Frank, whom everyone had completely lost track of. There were occasional Frank sightings assuring us that he was, in fact, not dead. During one evening's wandering, there was one such siting - as Frank was being thrown out of some girls' room. He could be heard asking "How can I love you if you won't lie down?" And then he was gone. Like Bigfoot.

Fast forward hours or days and Stephen and I find ourselves sound asleep on the pull-out couch in the middle of the night. I awake from a strange dream in which Stephen was sleeping on both sides of me. As I step out of the ether, I realize that there are indeed two people in bed with me. It was Frank! (Near as we can figure, none of us locked the door and Frank, in an attempt to locate home base, had stumbled into our room, found a cozy bed, and snuggled in.) I smack Stephen awake and tell him Frank is in bed with us! Mostly asleep, he opens one eye, says "oh, it's just Frank" and attempts to go back to sleep. Um. No. He's gotta go.

He rouses and agrees to remove our 'guest' from our bed. Frank is not a small guy and he's dead weight so Stephen enlists a sleeping Patrick from the next room. Eventually, they move him out to our patio and throw him across a lounge chair, where he happily spent the remainder of night. We think.

We returned home from Bermuda with only one serious injury (Jen, broken arm - moped accident), nobody pregnant, and our parents none the wiser.

The Mommy Club

Ever since the boys could understand, we've had the same conversation every time we enter the mall: Stay where you can see me. If you get lost, find a policeman. If you can't find a policeman, find another mommy....

After gym class today, The Gremlin and I headed over to the mall to exchange my empty Clinique blush, buy a baby present, and generally kill some time.

After we'd gone about our shopping we headed to the food court. Gremlin got a Chick Fil A kid's meal and I got a crepe from Appleseeds. We sit down, I set out our food, and immediately, Gremlin realizes he has to go to the bathroom. Of course you do.

I look at the stroller, covered with jackets and Macy's bags and back at our two lunches. My options are to pack everything up and bring it into the bathroom with us (eww), scarf it down quickly, hoping Grem doesn't have an accident in the meantime, or leave it on the table. I go with option c and immediately look around for a mommy.

I approach two mommies sitting at a table with their kids and tell them that we've got to go to the bathroom now. They give me an empathetic look, ask where my stuff is, and ensure me they'll keep an eye out.

Such a small thing, really. But such a help. Mommies take care of people.

Where ever I am, I'm always aware of the children around me. Are they with an adult? Are they about to trip? Will they bump their heads on that corner? I'm the person that makes a point to tell that mom that her daughter in the stroller is only wearing one shoe. In some small way, I'm helping another mommy and making sure their kids are safe and well. And I'm hardly the only one doing it.

Motherhood is the earliest sorority. I think about The Mommy Wars, the PTO Moms and the Stepford Wives we hear about. But when it comes down to it, the vast majority of us are trying to do the right thing for ourselves and our children. We help each other and we make the world a safer place.

Find a policeman or find a mommy, indeed.

Apropos of Nothing

Daddy: Boys, do you want something to drink?

HRH: Orange juice, with ice, no water, no mix.

MM: HRH, you'll make yourself a fine Starbucks patron some day.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

From the backseat:

Gremlin: This is why the Grinch stole Christmas.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Andy: Are you planning on bringing your laptop to Disney?

MM: I was considering it. What do you think?

Andy: Well, you tend not to care about people when you're with the laptop.

MM: No, you've got it all wrong. I care about lots of people when I'm on the laptop.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

And with that, I bid you all a fond adieu until next week.

Plenty

Today, after dropping HRH at school, Gremlin and I went on our appointed rounds, starting with Target. We were doing our usual; negotiating over staying in the cart, discussing not getting a toy whenever we go to Target, saying yes to a bag of M&Ms.

We got to a register with only one person ahead of us. I had to wait longer than you'd expect for the woman in front of me to pay for what looked like a single item, already in a bag. Then I noticed she was paying the $20.99 with a handful of bills, mostly ones, and 99 cents, mostly pennies. She used a Hello Kitty gift card for the remaining one dollar. She initially muffed the gift card transaction and had to reswipe the card. I thought for a minute whether offering up the dollar would insult her as I tried desperately to see what was in that Target bag.

I began forming a backstory for this woman. She was unemployed, out of prospects and out of money. She was literally counting every penny to buy one of life's simple necessities. The bag was too small for diapers (my worst case scenario) but it could have contained wipes, medication, or simple toiletries. She walked away with her purchase, her back straight and her head high. I slid forward and the cashier rolled her eyes at me and muttering "only happens to me..."

I was in the store for about 45 minutes and bought a new stroller, coloring books for the plane, ice melt, kitty litter, sale sweatshirts, Saran Wrap, and more of the general stuff of everyday life. I paid by debit card. I was distracted and forgot to look at the dollar amount as I punched in my PIN.

We're far from rich. I shop in Target because it's cost-effective. But we have enough.

I'm thinking of this woman, thinking of her needs and her dignity, persevering.

Nutrisystem By the Numbers

Days on Nutrisystem: 21

Nutrisystem meals eaten: 61*

Number of spinach salads eaten: 42

Most surprisingly good Nutrisystem entree: tie: Chicken Salad and Cajun Chicken and Rice

Number of Nutrisystem entrees that smell like dogfood: 1 (Homestyle Beef and Gravy - eww)

Number of Nutrisystem "suggested" entrees most likely to be donated to a food pantry: 1 (Split Pea Soup - double eww)

Total ounces of water consumed: 1,344
% increase: 200%

Total trips to the ladies room: Incalculable

Total Glasses of Wine Consumed: 4*
% decrease: 73%

Total Starbucks Venti Chai's Consumed: 3
% decrease: 86%

Estimated number of vices remaining: 3

Number of yoga classes attended during first two weeks of program: 0

Number of yoga classes attended in third week of program: 4

Total Weight Lost: 7.5 lbs

Average cost per pound lost: $29.90

Average pounds lost per day: 0.36 lbs

Number of days until Disney World trip: 26

Do's and Don't's When Attempting to Adhere To a Strict Diet

1. Get off the mall elevator in front of the Lindt Chocolate store - Don't
   
2. Make your boys extra chocolatey hot chocolate with mini marshmallows - Don't
   
3. Serve only food you don't really anyway for dinner for your family - Do
   
4. Get the boy McDonalds on your way home to eat a delicious NutriSystem lunch - Don't
   
5. Purchase seasonal candles in any of the following fragrances: Egg Nog, Christmas Cookies, Cinnamon and Sugar - Don't
   + Alternate suggestions would be Balsam, Cedar, Tripe, and Morning Breath
   
6. Eat your afternoon snack allotment of 15 grapes (it's a full serving why are you still hungry damn it!) near your grape-loving boy - Don't
   
7. Consider at least twice daily infusions of English Breakfast Tea (and the glorious caffeine contained within) to be necessary for the well-being of your family - DO
   
8. Re-route all travel to avoid all known Starbucks locations - most especially the drive thru - Do
   
9. Recognize that 64 ounces of water is about 59 ounces more than you typically drink in a given day - Do
   
10. Calculate the nearest restroom in any given destination immediately upon entering - Do
    
11. Convince yourself that eating frozen pancakes, dinosaur chicken, and spaghetti with butter and salt for a month straight will not stunt your children's growth - Do
    + (Bonus: Dinner Hero status from aforementioned children).
    
12. Notice the aroma of sweetness coming from the discarded M&Ms on the floor of the backseat - Don't
    
13. Remind yourself you need to fit into your summer clothes in less than two months - Do
    
14. Try on said summer clothes to put an exclamation point on your good intentions - DON'T
    + It's just too depressing.
    
15. Start a strict diet ten days before Christmas - Don't

Random Act of Kindness - A Mother's Pride

Just this year, the boys' school inaugurated new, extended hours corresponding with a normal, full kindergarten day. Not many kids beyond the kindergartners stay until the end of the day. RC gets out of school two hours earlier than HRH.

Today, we were returning to school just a few minutes into Barack Obama's first press conference and I may have dawdled for just a minute in the car. I entered the building as two or three other mommies and children were exiting. HRH was one of two remaining students.

As we, ourselves left the building, HRH stopped and asked me to wait, while turning and heading back into the building. Just inside the door waited the remaining child. HRH handed the boy a drawing he had made that day and said to the boy, 'I want you to have this because my mom is here and yours isn't here yet.' HRH returned to me and said that he gave the boy the drawing because he wanted to make him feel better.

I don't have to tell you how proud this makes me.

Do You Recognize This Face?

Dear Boys:

Do you know who this is?

It's Mommy. No, really. It is Mommy.

This weekend, while you were making gingerbread men and reading "Gingerbread Friends" with Gram, Daddy and I found our smiles.

We went to a special place in the sky called The Mount Washington Hotel. Just Mom and Dad. No, just Christine and Andy.

We didn't bring the 20-minute conference calls that morph into 2 1/2 hours, or the possibly-totaled Trailblazer, or even the kindergarten transition anxiety (Mommy's, not yours, HRH). We even left the wifi, the Vice Presidential debate, and the $700 billion bail out package at home. We knew it would all be here when we got home -- and it was.

Rather, we slept, and read, and ate, and drank, and talked, and lived.

Mom and Dad LOVE being your parents. There is nothing more important to us than doing that well. But we have been neglecting Andy and Christine lately. And it's shown. In the way we behave toward each other and the two of you. And certainly in the way we treat ourselves. This weekend, while we were here, we remembered to be kind to ourselves. And we remembered our smiles.

I hope we'll be seeing them a lot more.

Wordless Wednesday (with apologies to Jimmy Buffett)

A Pirate Looks at 4T.

RC's new big boy bed.

The Mom that Roared

I should have seen this coming. How could I forget who I am? As each of you has blogged, tweeted, and commented your anxieties about your babies going off to school, I sat here in my little haven I like to call De Nile and pondered if I was the bad mom who couldn't wait for school to come.

Forget no more. The name on the blog ain't Manic Mommy for nothing. And today, it hit me.

Today was HRH's Welcome Back Mass with the entire school present. I attended the mass because families were invited and I couldn't chance HRH being "the only kid whose mommy wasn't there" even if he didn't even know I was. So as I'm sitting in the back of the church with a few dozen other moms and two dads, I peered around to see just how small HRH looked next to his eighth grade assigned "buddy". His head barely cleared the back of the pew. My boy, my baby.

I began thinking about his anxieties about school (his perception of three timeouts on day one), about the things I'd heard about his teacher (all work, no play...not overly warm...), and about my own ideas of what his educational experience should look like. And the more I looked at Mrs. Smith with her dark corkscrew curls tied back in a severe ponytail, the deep set eyes, the unsmiling mouth, she began to morph into The Wicked Witch of the West or maybe just Miss Gulch. She held all the cards in deciding whether this first year of my child's formal education would foster his nascent love of learning and nurture his spirit.

I don't effing think so.

My protective instincts came screaming to the fore. This is my son. I am his advocate. He is brilliant and sensitive and thoughtful and mine. He is capable of great things.

I believe in our choice of school - the principal sent us a quick email day one to know that he'd visited the kindergarten classrooms and all was well. The faculty and facilities, the activities and the community are what drew us to the school. This environment is one in which HRH can thrive.

I have some qualms about his teacher but I am willing and hoping to be wrong.

I will work with or against anyone to ensure his education and his educational experience is everything he deserves it to be.

And so, Mrs. Smith and the rest of St. Somewhere, remember my face. You'll be seeing a lot of it.

America, the Dream Goes On

I was proud of my country today. It felt really nice. I’ve always been pretty patriotic. Fourth of July was always a big deal for us growing up. I’ve felt patriotism – not the “Support-Our-Troops”-yellow ribbon magnet kind of way. The loving-your-country-the way-you-love-your-family kind. Today I was reminded a little bit of why.

On our way home from a family weekend in New Hampshire, we detoured off the anonymous interstate and made a trip down the Kancamangus Highway, a true, hairpin-turning, river-following mountain pass, which leads up and over the White Mountains for 32 miles from Conway to Lincoln, NH. At its beginning you’re already at a pretty good elevation but slowly, those pretty mountain peaks in the distance get closer until they’re beside you and even the clouds are below you.

I was struck by the absolute beauty, the granite outcroppings, the sun’s rays on the sheer cliffs, and the myriad, winding streams begging you to abandon your car and explore. And you want to know what’s really amazing? You can! This area is owned and protected by the National Forest Service and it’s ours! Not for housing, fossil fuels, timeshares, or lumber.

It’s our backyard. And it’s there for exploring; for hiking and biking through hundreds of thousands of square acres. For swimming in mountain stream-fed icy ponds. Or just for driving through. It’s for our animals, too. Every animal to be found in the northeast is there. Did you know we’ve got moose, and bears, deer and foxes, hawks and trout, beavers and bald eagles, and so many more? I didn’t because I don’t pay attention to that stuff.

Thank God someone’s paying attention. And that someone is actually our government. Maybe today it doesn’t seem like a focus, aside from what these areas can do for us (yes, Mr. President; I’m talking to you). But back in 1918, we were smart enough to realize the inherent value of this land and protect it. And some part of our government is still focused on it today. And that makes me proud.

When I got home, I cut our lawn. Because you take care of what’s yours. And maybe, just maybe, that’s my way of helping my American Dream, my Dream of America, go on.

1 Year Blogoversary - 100 Things

I started reading blogs around April or May of 2007, when my friend and neighbor send me a link. By June, I was hooked. By July, HRH fell and split his head open - and my first post was born. I started my blog right around the time of BlogHer 07. It seemed fitting.

This week, I am again home while bloggers from across the nation converge to discuss, learn, and drink. But it was different. This year, I would have had friends to hang out with. I may have even had a roommate. And each day, each month, I find more friends and more in common with women I may never meet but whom I feel I know well only through their words and my own.

In honor of my first Blogoversary, I give to you, My 100 Things:

1. I had my tonsils out when I was 4. When I was in my late 20s, I went to an ENT specialist following a series of strep throat infections and learned that they had grown back.

2. This same thing happened to my mother-in-law

3. I can touch my nose with my tongue

4. When I was eight years old, I knocked boiling water onto my left ankle while we were camping. I can still remember my mother and uncle grabbing me and peeling off my sneaker and sock, and watching my skin peel off with it.

5. When I was 20 and all my friends had already turned 21, I had a fake ID that I used.

6. My name was Maria Siasios and the license listed me as 5’ 2”. I’m 5’7”

7. One night at The Boston Beach Club, a guy I was flirting with talking to saw it and told me he was with the ABC (Alcoholic Beverage Commission). My friend, Jen grabbed me and we hauled ass out of the club.

8. Years later, I was telling this story and my brother-in-law told me this was a ploy he used to use.

9. I’m going to be co-maid of honor in my younger sister’s wedding next spring.

10. My older sister is the other maid.

11. We are both married but refuse to use the term “matron”

12. I have been in eight weddings.

13. We were also co-maids-of-honor at my cousin’s wedding, nearly 9 years ago.

14. This same cousin and I were engaged at the same time, got married within six months of each other and have been pregnant with each of our respective two children at the same time.

15. She’s pregnant again and due in January.

16. She’s flying solo this time.

17. Despite my earlier yearnings, I think we’re gonna sit tight with the two we’ve already got.

18. My driver’s license expires on 09/09/09.

19. The same thing happened a few (uh, like 10) years ago, when it expired on 9/9/99.

20. On a work boondoggle trip to Vegas, I learned how to play craps and kept winning on number 9.

21. That was my third trip to Vegas for work and the first time I actually enjoyed being there.

22. Andy and I went to Vegas three months after 9/11 and stayed two nights at the New York New York, with non-stop round trip tickets from Boston for $550.00 total for the both of us.

23. I have a restraining order against an old boyfriend whom I found in my bedroom closet five years after we broke up.

24. Andy and I were introduced by JD Power’s daughter.

25. She’s married to Andy’s cousin and I used to work with her.

26. Two years ago, we had JD and his wife over for Thanksgiving dinner.

27. I pushed Andy away for more than a year, insisting we were “just friends” because of my steamer trunk baggage.

28. He didn’t give up on me, thank God.

29. Both of my boys were born with their umbilical cord wrapped around their neck.

30. HRH was born a month to the day early at 5 lbs 9 oz.

31. RC was born via emergency c-section at 6 lbs 14 oz.

32. I much preferred the Cesarean to pushing a baby out of my vagina.

33. I love Mexican food.

34. I could eat nothing but guacamole and chips quite happily for the rest of my life.

35. I was eating and later threw up guacamole the night I went into labor with HRH.

36. I like California Mexican better than Tex-Mex.

37. I visited San Antonio on business quite a few times a few years ago.

38. People in San Antonio really do wear cowboy boots and cowboy hats – and drive pickups.

39. The Alamo is really, really boring. And small. The Riverwalk is quite cool.

40. I have a theme song. It’s Brown Eyed Girl by Van Morrison.

41. Jimmy Buffett does a nice cover of it and when we’re at the concert, I pretend he’s singing it just to me.

42. This will be my 11th year seeing Jimmy Buffett in concert.

43. I’m claustrophobic but not debilitatingly so. More like, if given a choice, I’ll take the stairs.

44. I’m not ticklish.

45. Change is really hard for me. Even if I’m going out to do something I really want to do, part of me is thinking “maybe we can just stay home and watch TV.”

46. I have a head for trivia and useless knowledge.

47. My sister recently called me for that word that describes words that are spelled the same backwards and forwards, like racecar.

48. That word is palindrome.

49. I love board games. Trivial Pursuit in particular. Go figure.

50. The problem is that I judge people’s intelligence based on their game-playing prowess.

51. I also do this with misspelled/mispronounced/misused words.

52. This is why I find texting language so difficult.

53. Kevin Bacon is A Number 1 on my List.

54. You know, the free pass your spouse gives you to sleep with one (usually famous) person should you ever find yourself presented with the opportunity.

55. KB has been on the top of my list since I saw him in Footloose when I was 15.

56. George Clooney currently resides in second place.

57. Ocean’s 11 is on right now and I hate Julia Robert’s gold lame dress.

58. I also think she walks with the grace of an elephant, although she’s supposed to play elegant.

59. I think Michelle Pfeiffer is luminous. George described her as such in One Fine Day.

60. Andy and I both love The Mummy with Brenden Fraser and Rachel Weisz.

61. Rachel Weisz is probably currently Andy’s A Number 1.

62. I was baptized Catholic and spent 12 years in Catholic school.

63. We baptized both our boys Catholic.

64. I went to church religiously weekly until after we were married.

65. Clearly Andy’s converted me to The Dark Side

66. I used to be a lector at my church.

67. These days, I am an ala carte Catholic

68. There’s too much I don’t agree with.

69. I wanted to convert to Episcopal but Andy believes “you gotta dance with the one that brung ya.”

70. I absolutely believe in God.

71. There’s too much out there that had to be created by a higher power.

72. I also believe that there is a universality that exists, linking all of us together and affecting the outcome.

73. I think that people who say they are spiritual but not religious haven’t figured out what they’re looking for.

74. We’re sending HRH to Catholic school in the fall.

75. We’ll have to start attending church again.

76. You know, so we’re not hypocritical.

77. I’ve been cramming with him to learn The Sign of the Cross, Hail Mary and Our Father.

78. We have been doing ‘God Blesses’ with the boys since they were infants.

79. We talk about God and Heaven and they know who The Big Man is.

80. We’re sending him to Catholic school less because we want him to receive a Catholic-centric education as because we don’t like the alternatives available to us in our current public school system.

81. Generally, I feel that good public schools offer more alternatives than parochial schools.

82. Education is a top priority in Andy’s family.

83. He and his four siblings all went to top private schools.

84. I’ve completed four years of college but don’t have a degree.

85. That is really, really hard for me to admit.

86. I had this stupid idea you were supposed to know what you wanted to be when you grew up in order to complete college.

87. My dad was a blue collar hero whose favorite expression was ‘fucking yuppies.’

88. As a result, I didn’t get a lot of support from him on the college front.

89. Especially when I was initially an undeclared major.

90. Working without a degree and doing pretty well taught me that you don’t have to love what you do to be good at it.

91. One of my biggest regrets is not going away to college. I partially blame a tiny Catholic school and a really shitty guidance counselor for that.

92. Not having a degree is my biggest insecurity.

93. I’m very smart but don’t have the piece of paper to back it up.

94. I have finally figured out what I want to do when I grow up; interior design.

95. I get to go to school when RC starts full-time kindergarten. Two years and counting.

96. I think if I were to pursue a career without first finishing my degree, it would be Real Estate.

97. Part of the reason I will get my degree is so I can never be an excuse for my kids.

98. I used to think I was a very good writer before I started reading blogs.

99. I still think I’m a good writer.

100. I know I am a survivor.

Vacation Moments

HRH: His Royal Halibut...we couldn't keep him out of the water. RC in his Hawaiian Elmo "bagging suit"

My mom and I went out one night and Andy got the boys out of bed to catch a rainbow. I hope you can see it.I can't recommend the Pirate Adventure highly enough for ages 3 to about 7 or 8. Arrr.
Yes, I was wearing a blue golf shirt and khaki shorts also. No, we didn't do this every day. They boys and Andy were a coincidence, then I saw it and decided to geek out and join in. Andy called us the Griswolds.

Bless him, Andy got up every morning around 6:30 with the boys to go fishing. By Wednesday, they had yet to catch anything. He thinks it had less to do with his skills as a fisherman and more to do with the large number of rocks being thrown into the water beside the fishing lines.

At this point, it was time to find a boat. Let me give a shout out to another local, Cap't Danny and Clamneck Charters, who have a very kid-centric 1 1/2 hour catch-and-release fishing trip staying inside Lewis Bay. Each kid must have caught at least a school of porgies.We had a fantatic deck off our bedroom where we were able to set up a telescope and show the boys the moon close up.

I don't think they made it to bed at the correct time the entire week. Vacations are about saying 'yes' more than you normally can.

Maybe they'll be astronauts or astronomers.

Or maybe they'll just remember another family vacation on the Cape.

Scenes (to and) from an Italian Restaurant

Scene 1: Mommy's car. The eight minute drive to meet Andy at a local Italian restaurant.

HRH (age 5): RC? Do you beat me up because you want to be like me?

MM (springs like a cat, sensing an opening): You know, RC, HRH does peeps and poops in the potty...

RC (age 3): Sure, HRH. I want to be like you. (what.ev.)

HRH (this, he can understand): Oh! Okay! When you and I have some private time, I'll show you so you can be more like me.

RC (already losing interest in the topic): Okay.

HRH (mentoring-ly): RC, do you want to sing the ABCs?

Manic Mommy smiles slyly...brotherly love and potty training.

RC (in perfect pitch): A B C D...I don't like you...

Manic Mommy sighs...

~~~~~~~~

Scene 2: Upon arriving in parking lot where Daddy is waiting to point out the spot next to his car.

HRH and RC (excitedly): Daddy!

Daddy: Hi Boys!

RC (as Daddy extricates him from the car): Daddy! We beat you here!

~~~~~~~~~

Scene 3: Upon arriving home in Daddy's car as Manic Mommy extricates RC from his carseat.

RC (enthusiastically): Mommy, I like Daddy better than you!

MM bites tongue...almost bedtime

25 Things I Like About Myself

My friend, Jenn at Juggling Life took up the challenge to write 50 things she liked about herself - and did it in 14 minutes. Sue at My Party of 6 let me know it was okay to only list 25. And to take a little longer. That's more my style. So here we go;

1. I'm a good writer

2. I'm pretty

3. I've been taking better care of my body and it's starting to pay off

4. I'm getting better at yoga

5. I have set aside my natural tendencies to be a night owl and choose to be pleasant in the morning

6. I cook reasonably well-balanced meals most nights

7. I'm pretty good at compromise despite being a Virgo

8. I picked out good names for my children

9. I'm a good speller

10. I use grammar correctly in speaking and writing

11. I've taught my children excellent manners

12. I'm a good daughter, mother, wife, sibling, and friend

14. I'm very good at Excel

15. I make my bed every day

16. I tan easily

17. I have big brown eyes

18. I'm a good organizer

19. I enjoy learning

20. I have good taste when decorating

21. I'm a fun drunk

22. Parenting has taught me to be more patient

23. I picked the best person to marry

24. I'm learning to be more flexible

25. I wrote this whole list without putting in a single asterisk

I created this list in one sitting with one minor interruption to mediate a video game dispute. Hey, I never said I was perfect!