Monday, November 8, 2010

How OCD Are You?

1. Your child comes downstairs after a bath dressed in a Star Wars pajama top and Super Mario bottoms. You:
a.) Don't notice.
b.) Note that Dad selected the pjs and shrug.  They're ready for bed so it's still a win.
c.) Remind yourself to take the 'matching' selections out of the rotation until the laundry catches up.

2. After placing your groceries in the back of your SUV, you note that the 'carriage corral' is overflowing with shopping carts.  You:
a.) Tuck the shopping cart between two cars and drive away.
b.) Park your cart behind the last in line, further blocking the driving lane
c.) Reorganize the carts so that each one tucks neatly into the one before it, freeing up valuable corral space.

3. Your husband loads the dishwasher.  You:
a.) Thank him profusely to encourage future behavior.
b.)  Move the taller glasses to the designated "taller glasses area," and mugs to the "mug area," remove the larger bowls to wash by hand, and arrange all plates according to size and type.
c.) Explain exactly what he did wrong and why. Are surprised and disappointed when he declines your offer for further dishwasher-loading instruction.

4. It is Christmas time.  This means:
a.) The correct order of tree decoration is: lights, garland, ornaments, tinsel, angel on top of the tree.
b.) A color-coded Excel spreadsheet listing recipient, gift, expected price, actual price, delta, percent complete, notes, and totals.
c.) Pulling out your wrapping paper caddy and wrapping each and every box in such a manner that you could easily land a job at Macy's.
d.) All of the above...

5. You're 7-months pregnant and moving into a new house.  To help, your sister unpacks all your pots and pans and arranges them in your new kitchen. You:
a.) Pledge your undying love to her.
b.) Recognize you might have arranged them differently but will leave them that way for now - fewer boxes to unload!
c.) Sit your gigantic pregnant ass on the kitchen floor and rearrange them according to size, type, and function. 

Yeah, it's that bad.  You think it's easy being anal?  How 'bout you?

Thursday, November 4, 2010

Just So We're Clear

If I hear "what the American people want" one more time, I'm going to...insert hyperbole/expletive here

Just so we're clear, I thought I'd let you know what this American wants:
  • I want my husband to have a job lined up when his expires at the end of this month.
  • I want our savings to be savings, not living expenses.
  • I want to be able to refinance our education loans to a reasonable interest rate so we're able to pay them off before we retire.
  • I want you to pass legislation that encourages jobs and growth.
  • I want you to pass legislation that takes care of those in need, and weans those in want.
  • I want you to be nice.
  • I want you to remember that although it's only natural to believe that your idea is the best idea, it's not the only idea.
  • I want you to listen when others talk.
  • I want you to to respect your office and the offices of others.
  • I want you to act in the best interest of the country, not just your state, or your constituents.
  • The only time I want you to use "us" and "them" is when referring to "Americans" and "Terrorists".
  • I want you to remember you're there because a majority of us put you there.
  • I want you to remember that your job is not to keep your job or to ensure that someone else doesn't keep his.
That's our job.

I know you've got a lot on your plates so thank you for listening.  Carry on.

Monday, November 1, 2010

Here It Is, Your Moment of Zen...

This would be mine
The Problem
The Solution
Possibly my Favorite


(but not usually at the same time)
Photos compiled by The Huffington Post.  There are more than 400 more posted here.  Make sure to take a look.

Stay Sane, America!

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