Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Do's and Don't's When Attempting to Adhere To a Strict Diet

  1. Get off the mall elevator in front of the Lindt Chocolate store - Don't
  2. Make your boys extra chocolatey hot chocolate with mini marshmallows - Don't
  3. Serve only food you don't really anyway for dinner for your family - Do
  4. Get the boy McDonalds on your way home to eat a delicious NutriSystem lunch - Don't
  5. Purchase seasonal candles in any of the following fragrances: Egg Nog, Christmas Cookies, Cinnamon and Sugar - Don't
    + Alternate suggestions would be Balsam, Cedar, Tripe, and Morning Breath
  6. Eat your afternoon snack allotment of 15 grapes (it's a full serving why are you still hungry damn it!) near your grape-loving boy - Don't
  7. Consider at least twice daily infusions of English Breakfast Tea (and the glorious caffeine contained within) to be necessary for the well-being of your family - DO
  8. Re-route all travel to avoid all known Starbucks locations - most especially the drive thru - Do
  9. Recognize that 64 ounces of water is about 59 ounces more than you typically drink in a given day - Do
  10. Calculate the nearest restroom in any given destination immediately upon entering - Do
  11. Convince yourself that eating frozen pancakes, dinosaur chicken, and spaghetti with butter and salt for a month straight will not stunt your children's growth - Do
    + (Bonus: Dinner Hero status from aforementioned children).
  12. Notice the aroma of sweetness coming from the discarded M&Ms on the floor of the backseat - Don't
  13. Remind yourself you need to fit into your summer clothes in less than two months - Do
  14. Try on said summer clothes to put an exclamation point on your good intentions - DON'T
    + It's just too depressing.
  15. Start a strict diet ten days before Christmas - Don't


Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh I hear you... I am one of those people that gains weight over night. I have been very smug about how I haven't gained any weight regardless of all of the cookies and egg nog that I've been enjoying. Then just this weekend - poof! I'm suddlenly chubby. But no point in doing anything about it before Christmas. I'm just going to consider the extra weight to be "festive" and for once not feel bitter about how my husband never takes any pictures of me with the children.

Dysd Housewife said...

I simply CANNOT diet during the last two months of the year. Just not possible. Death by chocolate! LOL

Rae Ann said...

On the one hand, Nutrisystem = blah. On the other hand, Nutrisystem = skinny. Hang in there! I have given up any pretense of dieting. I predict that I will get (reluctantly) back on the wagon after the holidays.

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I wish I had it in me.

Jennifer Suarez said...

Ah yes. I'm back on my detox program staring Jan 2nd. I'm trying my best to not over do it during these last couple of weeks, but it's tough!

KC said...

Mmmm...tripe scented candles...to go along with a beef broth bubble bath?

Dieting? Bah Humbug! Can't it wait until after the Christmas cookie season?

Our bathroom scale is 5 lbs lighter than any doctor's scale. Which I love most days of the year except when I have to see the doctor. Then, it's so rude.

JCK said...

I'm with #15. Did I miss something? Are you off to a tropical island in February?


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