Do's and Don't's When Attempting to Adhere To a Strict Diet

1. Get off the mall elevator in front of the Lindt Chocolate store - Don't
   
2. Make your boys extra chocolatey hot chocolate with mini marshmallows - Don't
   
3. Serve only food you don't really anyway for dinner for your family - Do
   
4. Get the boy McDonalds on your way home to eat a delicious NutriSystem lunch - Don't
   
5. Purchase seasonal candles in any of the following fragrances: Egg Nog, Christmas Cookies, Cinnamon and Sugar - Don't
   + Alternate suggestions would be Balsam, Cedar, Tripe, and Morning Breath
   
6. Eat your afternoon snack allotment of 15 grapes (it's a full serving why are you still hungry damn it!) near your grape-loving boy - Don't
   
7. Consider at least twice daily infusions of English Breakfast Tea (and the glorious caffeine contained within) to be necessary for the well-being of your family - DO
   
8. Re-route all travel to avoid all known Starbucks locations - most especially the drive thru - Do
   
9. Recognize that 64 ounces of water is about 59 ounces more than you typically drink in a given day - Do
   
10. Calculate the nearest restroom in any given destination immediately upon entering - Do
    
11. Convince yourself that eating frozen pancakes, dinosaur chicken, and spaghetti with butter and salt for a month straight will not stunt your children's growth - Do
    + (Bonus: Dinner Hero status from aforementioned children).
    
12. Notice the aroma of sweetness coming from the discarded M&Ms on the floor of the backseat - Don't
    
13. Remind yourself you need to fit into your summer clothes in less than two months - Do
    
14. Try on said summer clothes to put an exclamation point on your good intentions - DON'T
    + It's just too depressing.
    
15. Start a strict diet ten days before Christmas - Don't