Saturday, September 13, 2008

Potty Mouth

Psst, Clorox:

Wanna make a mint? Invent a non-toxic, drinkable bleach product. And here's why:

Item 1: We are at my sister's house and RC has just completed his first successful peep of the new potty-training season. Manic Mommy is at the sink washing her hands after assisting with said endeavor. RC spies the plunger parked next to Auntie's toilet. Before MM can reach him/screech loud enough to wake the dead, RC has upended the plumber's helper and licks. it. Various washing and rinsing ensues. But where's the bleach?

Item 2: First Day of preschool. Andy has taken the day off to accompany RC to orientation while MM attends HRH's Welcome Mass. After we pick up HRH, we take the boys to Friendly's for an ice cream. Except for RC, we each order what turns out to be a pretty meager portion and consequently begin taking little bites from RC's massive make-your-own-sundae.

It is with the taste of hot fudge and Reeses Pieces still upon my tongue that Andy suddenly remembers the men's room incident that had taken place not ten minutes earlier:

RC is standing in front of the toilet having already fondled caressed lifted the toilet seat and is attempting to simultaneously hold the seat up, keep his shirt tucked under his chin, and aim. He is one hand short, and so, he leans forward and places the edge of the toilet seat between his lips to hold it up and proceeds to urinate.

Andy acted fast but of course, the damage was already done. He proceeded to make RC rinse his mouth out and wash his face/lips/hands with Friendly soap. But again, where's the bleach?

Did I mention that I was eating RC's ice cream as the story unfolded? What's a mom to do? I buy fluoride-free toothpaste for him because that's dangerous if ingested. How about the most germ-laden surfaces know to mom?

Please tell me your worst. Am I the only mother with a really, gross little kid?Let me know that his immune system is strong enough to handle it - and that it. will. stop.

Sincerely,

Manic Germaphobe Mommy

21 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Pardon me while I go throw up.

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

I'm still trying to figure out why he licked the plunger. Did it look like a giant lollipop? Did you ask him? Yuck.

merlotmom said...

OMG, I literally sucked in my breath when he put the lid between his lips. Oh, gross. I'm dying over here. I used to freak when my kids put their hands on the seat but his mouth...oh, i have to go now. I'm gonna be sick. Ewwwww.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Oh - that's pretty gross. But don't worry - I could easily see my children doing the same. I'm constantly having to remove things from their mouths (and they are well past the "oral stage"). Sometimes these items are found on the sidewalk - and I have to hold back the screams as I hustle them inside for to be scrubbed. Great story though!

Anonymous said...

Really, the rest of my house is very, very clean. One might even say sanitary.....

Anonymous said...

Referring to prior post...anonymous being the "sister with the plunger."

The Stiletto Mom said...

Holy crap...and I mean that literally. We never had that particular incident but since you were brave enough to post, I'll go there with ya.
My oldest did not want to go #2, not ever ever never. A little bit would come out and he would try to hold it in or try to get rid of it with ONE SQUARE of toilet paper. I don't think I need to tell you how horrified I was at the state of his fingernails and the gag reflex when he stuck his hand in his mouth (followed by my impersionation of middle aged, needs to lose 10lbs Wonder Woman flying across room to said tiny hand from mouth while trying not to vomit). Anywho, it got to the point where the doctor told us he was going to perforate his bowel if he held it in anymore.
Enter the laxatives.
And thats as far as I go because I will make myself throw up if I take a stroll back down that particular memory lane.

anymommy said...

Am laughing uproariously in sympathy and solidarity. About a month ago my gorgeous baby boy who eats only wholesome fruit and organic yogurt and milk, ate dirty toilet paper from our Elmo training potty. Really dirty. Poop dirty. I still gag when I think of it.

Sue said...

I often wonder why my son, who will not let broccoli or spinach past his lips, will think nothing of licking a rock, a car, me (often), or even a dog. Kids are so weird!

Oh, and he has the best immune system ever! Hardly catches anything, and when he does kicks it quickly.

Ellyn said...

My little dear boy went through a time when he would hold bowel movements until nap time and then have play time in it. It was hands down one of the grossest things I have ever had to deal with. Thanks goodness those days are behind us.
Toilet seat between the lips might top my story though. I thought my kid was the nastiest until today.

Denise said...

Boys will be boys. :o)

Sue said...

I've been wracking my brain trying to think of a worse scenario from my house, but um... nope. Can't. I think you have a winner!

I have thought of a cleansing mint before when I found my 2-year old's tongue wrapped around a railing at the zoo. The one that separated the masses from tne new baby giraffe... where about 8,000 people a day were putting their hands. *shudder*

G said...

I think I'm scarred for life....

Ellyn said...

Hey Manic Mommy, Stop by my place tomorrow if you have a chance. I have some thing for you.

cactus petunia said...

We had to watch our son like hawks when he was a toddler...he liked to peel old gum off the sidewalk and eat it. I still shudder every time I think about it. Miraculously, he just turned 28. I guess it's true: if it doesn't kill you, it'll make you stronger.

JCK said...

Ummm...hard to take. But, my son still puts things in his mouth after its been on the floor. And he's rounding on 5.

the new girl said...

Dude.

What the??

No. effing. WAY.

Kids are gross, man. GROSS.

Sue said...

Lips. On. Toilet. Seat.
EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!
You win, I don't have anything to compare to that.
I am sure he will be fine, think of how our generation grew up without Purel.

Anna See said...

I remember "losing" my 10 month old in the house year ago. I found him behind the toiled licking the plunger. Nice.

Manic Mommy said...

Oh...You...Guys...

Thank you so much for your words of encouragement (not you, Jenn or you, Fran but the others) and horror stories.

They made me feel so much better that I made you all cookies! RC helped! Just email me your addresses and I'll mail 'em right out!

Hello? Hello? Is this thing on?

Anonymous said...

I just found you and had to comment! I remember my sil telling all us years back how her toddler got into the cat litter box and put a turd in her mouth...and chewed...on 2 separate occasions! Not sure why she didn't make the box inaccessible to the babe after the 1st incident (they kept it in their kitchen!). So gross! That toddler is 13yo now so she lived thru it and I don't think even got sick from it... but I don't think I myself woulda told the INLAWS about that one. But hey, it's totally fittin' fodder for a blog.! ;o) Thanks for makin' me laugh!

 

Blog Designed by: NW Designs