Sunday, February 13, 2011

Wrap It in Bacon

Remember that email that went around a few years ago about how to give a cat a pill?  It went on and on with steps including massage cat's throat, remove cat from drapery rod, then apply direct pressure to lacerations.  Then there was "how to give a pill to a dog."  Answer: wrap it in bacon. 

Gremlin has been experiencing some significant constipation issues for about the past month.  Basically, he refuses to poop.  This is different from his usual "I don't have to go - I'm too busy playing" refusal and has now migrated to his school day.  We've instituted mandatory "trying" periods throughout the day and returned to the sitting-on-the-edge-of-the-tub, potty training model.

Friday, while in Target (why do I always get this call when I've got a full cart?), the school nurse calls stating she's got Gremlin in her office doubled over with stomach pains.  I'm on my way but it's going to be a few minutes.  She calls back seconds later asking me to please bring a change of clothes as well.  Awesome.

As I arrive at school and the nurse waves me toward the bathroom where she has left my 5-year-old to clean himself up following his accident.  I find him naked and covered, wiping ineffectually at his body with dry, brown, industrial paper towels.  Thankfully, it didn't seem to be bothering him. 

The pediatrician starts writing before I've finished my first sentence.  Gremlin has encopresis and needs a laxative.  Here's where we get to the bacon part.

We opted to wait until Saturday morning vs. Friday evening to begin the regimen for obvious reasons. Andy and I sat at the kitchen table for in excess of 45 minutes trying to teach, convince, discuss, cajole, explain, threaten, and ultimately bribe Grem to swallow an Exlax pill resembling a blue M&M.

He eventually allows the pill to completely dissolve in his mouth complaining the whole time that it tastes like sand, yet refusing to swallow or take a sip of any of the 6 different beverage selections we have offered him.  Also, he is now the proud owner of SpongeBob Atlantis Squarepantis DS game. 

And all for nothing.  Based on his chosen method of absorption and the complete lack of results, I'm guessing that none of the medicine actually made it to the boy's lower G.I.

This morning, I returned to CVS and going against the advice of the pharmacist Andy spoke with yesterday, got Exlax in chocolate form.  I came home, said "hey Grem, here's some chocolate medicine!"  He ate two pieces and we're done.

Wrap it in bacon.

19 comments:

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

We had this issue with my daughter when she was 2--we ended up with Maltsupex (which is ungodly expensive).

I hope the problem resolves itself soon--this isn't pleasant for either of you.

Stimey said...

First, it's sort of upsetting that no one at school helped him. Isn't that the whole point of a nurse? Your poor guy.

So why aren't you supposed to use the chocolate? That's what our GI lady recommended for Quinn, although I haven't seen it have any great results. Daily Miralax is pretty much all that works for us.

Good luck, and I hope things get better soon!

JCK said...

Wrap it in bacon, indeed. No, nothing is sacred, but as you can see by the comments, when you share these stories, you are not alone!

Good luck! Poor little guy. That's a tough one. My niece had an issue, too, but it has resolved. I think she had to drink that fiber YUCKO drink, so chocolate seems to be the way to go. :)

Sending supportive hugs - to you.

Kristine said...

That's a nice nurse at school...where do you go?!?!? Hope things are moving along!

Kim said...

M_I_R_A_L_A_X! After a month of codeine for post surgical pain...we tried it all. Miralax is flavorless just mix into normal beverage. A Godsend.

Kate Coveny Hood said...

Hilarious. I know my kids would go for that!

Sue @ Laundry for Six said...

Oh man. I hope it all works out soon. Poor little buddy!

Amy said...

Oh, how I feel for you! My daughter has the same problem! We've been giving her Miralax for years now but she still will not go for days at a time. It's very frustrating and sad. There are times when I feel like I'm coaching a woman in labor during our "time together in the bathroom!"
Dr Oz mentioned magnesium as a cure for constipation. I need to research that, but maybe that would help your son too!
Good Luck!

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Oh, I feel for you and Gremlin and feel anger toward the school nurse.

Hope he's better.

As an aside, I love that the first bit of chocolate I saw referenced on Valentine's Day is Exlax.

tz said...

my niece had to have a suppository for that reason...chocolate exlax a much better alternative :D

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Poor baby! Hope he's feeling better by now.

Life As I Know It said...

Oh, poor thing. Hey, at least he got a new DS game out of it.

Hope the issue is resolved soon...

Anonymous said...

Stupid comment maybe, but did you try putting a stack of good books in the bathroom? Works great for mine, pooping becomes library time!

Mrs. Tuna said...

I used to use a pencil eraser on a cat, I wonder if it would work on the boy?

The Adventures of Princess Zaria said...

Bacon is like the color black. It goes with everything :)

anymommy said...

Love it. And dear god may it work!! (PS I second miralax, we hid it in apple juice. My kids would cut off their right arm for juice.)

Christine said...

Oh, who knew they made exlax in chocolate flavor! Now if only I could find the 3 different allergy medicines we take 2x a day in chocolate. I would think we would never have to fight again!

Otter Thomas said...

Simple and effective. I hope he's doing better.

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

Hope everything's going ok. Haven't seen you around lately!

 

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