Wednesday, August 29, 2007

Goddamn Clock - tick, tick, tick

I have two boys, ages two and nearly five. I love them as only another mother can understand. I say this with no fear of alienating or insulting their father. It was Andy who quoted Stephen King, of all people to me: "The soil of a man's heart is stonier. A man grows what he can... and he tends it." and understands that the love of a mother is just different from that of a father.

Put simply, I feel like there's someone else out there who's supposed to have our last name and make my two boys share the bigger bedroom. I turn 39 in a week and a half. As one of my very favorite bloggers, The New Girl, put it, "it's either now or never and I don't want the answer to be never."

So here I sit; firmly on the fence. Andy's pretty much on the fence, too - although definitely leaning to (d)one side. I have one very close friend who stopped at two and regrets it. I have other friends who went for the third and LOVE it. I know still more (okay, one) who has three and regrets/resents it.

I look at our little family, fitting neatly into the SUV but able to travel in the little compact when called upon and think, are we ready for a car with three rows? I look back at this past weekend at Storyland and think how much easier it is to say "you take him, I've got this one" and know everyone's covered.

It's the man-to-man vs. zone defense argument. It's reading all these posts about newborns never sleeping and remembering the overwhelming, crying-while-rocking-the-baby-in-the middle-of-the-night exhaustion. It's thinking about boy #1 in kindergarten, boy #2 going to preschool next year and me beginning design school. I think about all these reasons NOT to do it and still I think that I'm supposed to.

That's "supposed to" as in the universe, not society. I think about all those people who have told me that they knew they weren't done and that their last child completed their family in a way they did not even know was lacking. I think I might be one of them.

So, my friends, let me know. You lurker(s), comment! Give me your input. Email my link to your friends. I want it all - the opinions, the anecdotes, and the horror stories. How often do you have the opportunity to profoundly influence a total stranger's personal decisions?


Anonymous said...

damn, I guess everybody is scared to push you one way or the other. I say go for it. You don't feel your family is complete, maybe this one will do it. I agree with the "now or never and I don't want it to be never" I would have positively continued onto 3 maybe even 4 but spouse is D.E.A.D. set against it, completely, totally, utterly and I can't do that to him or to me so I'll live vicariously through you!

Sue said...

I left a long comment but stupid Blogger ate it. Argh.

Bottom line: Go for it!

Jen said...

I will if you will (wink wink).

Seriously though, if my 2 were of the same sex I would absolutely 100% go for the third.... Even now with one of each, I still feel I want another.

By the way, the hubby was just standing over my shoulder reading this and he does not believe that you will have another... So now I am betting him that you will... and I want to win.... So have some sex will ya.

Anonymous said...

Dear Manic Mommy,

I empathize with your position. It was a position not unlike mine 4 years ago. We already had 2 daughters ages 4 and 3. At 42 it was definitely time to do or (ovaries)die....I was in full tilt panic about how to decide, what to decide. In the end it seemed then and still seems in retrospect that it came down to a spin of the roulette wheel........and the rabbit died.
From the very beginning the seas were choppy. The nausea was excruciating, like nothing I have ever imagined short of chemotherapy and then some...
She cried and tantrummed from day one. After 3 sleepless days in the hospital after giving birth I begged the nurses to take her to the nursery so I could try to sleep, but they refused because she was crying....
She and I have known very few nights of peace in the 3+ years that have lapsed. I have lost a lot of brain power along the way. I make a lot of mistakes I didn't used to make because I am so tired.
She is willfull, stubborn, and uncooperative- just ask her favorite hairdresser, or her father who had thoughts just this morning of putting her in the woodchipper. She refuses to be potty trained, and to make our lives easier in countless ways.
And yet despite all of this, we love her desperately. She is fast, clever, and beautiful. Her smile is like nothing I've ever seen. Her father insists that she will be the one to pick him a good nursing home. (Please make sure that she does as I will have long since blown my fatal m.i., which I would have done with or without Abby). To see my 3 girls playing together at the beach or at the park gives me a sense of joy I have never known before.
Though I am stretched and overextended beyond my means on a daily basis, to me it is far preferable to having gone through my life wondering every day, "What if?"
Don't know if this will assist at all in your deliberations, but I put it out for your consideration on the blog lest you just get the curmudgeonly aspects in my (daily) grumblings.
Good luck in your deliberations.
I know you will ultimately do what is best for your family.
Auntie D

Christine said...

Damn, D. That was poetry. Print a copy for lovely little 3 girl.

suburbancorrespondent said...

Truly, each child enriches your family in ways you cannot predict - if you think you may want one, go for it. You can still go to design school in 5 years, but you won't be able to have another kid. The older kids learn so much from the sacrifices they have to make for the youngest.

Youngest Sis said...

...yeah, you know my (overly loud and somewhat overbearing) thoughts on this.

But as selfish as I admit my reasoning is *cough-godmother-cough* I can still picture a third in your house. I think HRH would have a blast being the oldest, and RC would really puff up over being a big brother. Whether a boy or a girl, I know you, Daddy, Nana, Gram and assorted aunts, uncles, cousins will have a great time spoiling him or her. You know I put a lot of faith on intuition, and if you have a feeling that there's someone waiting for you to invite him/her into your family, then I'd say listen to the voice.

That being said, I have no idea if I'll be able to keep up with an eighth niece/nephew. I've taken to calling our oldest sister's kids by number. Thankfully they seem to find this amusing, though they do have to keep correcting me about the twins.

Hey just think about it, I totally can't complain about babysitting for three of them if I nagged so much for you to have another, right?


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