Tuesday, July 28, 2009

AfterDad

To my wonderful, supportive, intrepid husband, I can't properly thank you for all that you did in allowing me this time and space away. So I won't.

Rather, I thought I would offer a little constructive feedback - both positive and otherwise on your care and feeding of our progeny and home this past weekend:

1. Kudos on figuring out the dishwasher loading/unloading scenario! Next, I'd like to invite you to view the wonders of Cascade gel in action. Said gel can be located under the kitchen sink. Simply extrude the gel into the marked containers on the inside of the dishwashing device, close the door, and press "Start". Performing this simple operation will mitigate the sour milk/syrup/smell-of-unknown-origin odor emanating each time the appliance door is opened.

2. At some point a meal was made! Or reheated! Or defrosted! Cue applause!! I am aware of this, not only through your insightful and informative guest posts but because of the melted remains for said food items coating the inside of the microwave. It is unsavory at best and carcinogenic at worst.

A Clorox wipe or even a paper towel (both located to the left of the sink) swiped across door, roof, and carousel of the microwave has been shown to prevent said food preparation residue from dripping down onto the stove top beneath. (ps: It is also a good idea not to leave things you intend to eat in the microwave until they explode. But that's a lesson for another day.)

3. You know how much I love the smell of Acqua di Gio on you. Less so on the boys but again, "A" for effort. You handled this issue of their hygiene with creativity and questionable judgment!

Again, not a criticism, just a friendly reminder for future use: If you will hearken back to your own personal care routine, you may call to mind vigorously applying toothpaste to your own teeth at regular intervals throughout the weekend. Our children, too require this action to avoid the carrion/death breath spewing from their smiling mouths when I scooped them into my arms in the baggage claim of Terminal B.

I know I've given you a lot to digest so I'll end my summary here. But rest assured, my absence and your tenure at the helm has provided discussion topics to get us through awkward silences and long car rides for years to come.

Next up: "The Broom and Vacuum: Where they live and what they do."

16 comments:

Tracey - Just Another Mommy Blog said...

I loved this! Sounds like he really flourished on his solo weekend. Way to go, Manic Dad! Way to go...

queenofphrump said...

He IS funny. BUT! YOU are funnier!

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

Carrion/death breath--too funny.

slouchy said...

Snort. Your husband must be a pretty mellow fellow. Mine? Would KILL me if I posted something like this. :)

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

OK, you win Best Post-BlogHer09 Post, including the recruiting of your husband to "fill-in".

Hysterical!

merlotmom said...

Fabulous. Just fabulous.

Now see if he ever lets you go anywhere again.

See you in NYC. Hmmmmm.

anymommy said...

You are a riot. May you travel again soon.

Kristen said...

Manic Dad, thanks so much for sharing Manic Mommy with us. She was both delightful and was exceedingly even more gorgeous than I had imagined or could tell from her 1/4" x1/4" avitar.

Next time I will sit with her for a cup of coffee.

sitting on the mood swing at the playground said...

Next up: "The Broom and the Vacuum: Where they live and what they do"

I'm still laughing.

Mama Goose said...

Bravo! This is brilliant.

KC said...

I see a HIGHLY successful post series coming out of this...

JCK said...

Your husband was the BEST, while you were away. Once you get all that mommy stuff done, will you post on BlogHer? Can't wait to hear about it.

Jason, as himself said...

Claire read this post out loud to me while I was at her place this week. You had me shaking with laughter.

Momma Hunt said...

Great, laugh out load post. Manic dad did have a few great posts in your absence.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

I love the dialogue between the 2 of you - we need to get together for beers w/ our hubbies!

Magpie said...

Awesome idea to put cologne on the kids.

 

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