Monday, July 7, 2008

Redefining Funny

This email was sent to me by my friend, Nancy. It's basically spam so I'm not able to confirm its contents or origin. It still cracked me up and so I wanted to share. Enjoy!

The Washington Post has published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:

1. Coffee, n. The person upon whom one coughs.

2. Flabbergasted, adj. Appalled by discovering how much weight one has gained.

3. Abdicate, v. To give up all hope of ever having a flat stomach.

4. Esplanade, v. To attempt an explanation while drunk.

5. Willy-nilly, adj. Impotent.

6. Negligent, adj. Absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.

7. Lymph, v. To walk with a lisp.

8. Gargoyle, n. Olive-flavored mouthwash.

9. Flatulence, n. Emergency vehicle that picks up someone who has been run over by a steamroller.

10. Balderdash, n. A rapidly receding hairline.

11. Testicle, n. A humorous question on an exam.

12. Rectitude, n. The formal, dignified bearing adopted by proctologists.

13. Pokemon, n. A Rastafarian proctologist.

14. Oyster, n. A person who sprinkles his conversation with yiddishisms.

15. Frisbeetarianism, n. The belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.

16. Circumvent, n . An opening in the front of boxer shorts worn by Jewish men.

I'm torn between # 7 and 13 as my favorite. What's yours?


SuburbanCorrespondent said...

It's from the Style Invitational, a wacky series of contests published in the Style section of the Washington Post every Saturday (used to be Sunday).

Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I have to say Flabbergasted--simply because I am!

Denise said...

bwa ha ha ha! #16!!

Cassie said...

LOL! I like #4 & #6. I have accidentally answered the door in my nightgown before! The sad part is, it was a person delivering food to me, and I was expecting them, I just forgot to change!

Melissa said...

Flabbergasted and Abdicate.

Although I will fight them in the fat rolls, fight them on the stairmaster, fight them in the yoga class....

I will never surrender!


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