Tuesday, March 18, 2008

You Can Call Me Al

Dear Mr. Gore,

Please excuse Christine from environmental global good citizenship today as she was cleaning the bathroom.

During this exercise (in futility), she utilized no green cleaning products. Resulting, in the senseless deaths of untold good bacteria and weakening the immune systems of not only her household but also everyone they will ever come in contact with. Furthermore, we believe the mustard gas created by the mingling of these chemicals has caused an actual hole in the Ozone Layer, the size of a juice box . Said hole is currently positioned directly above our house, as viewed by Google Earth.

Additionally, Christine used no less than 3/4 of a roll of 0% post-consumer recycled, white, paper towels, placing them into a plastic trashbag for pick up by a carbon monoxide-emitting waste transport vehicle (garbage truck). These, and numerous other potentially recyclable materials will then be shipped to an unknown landfill, where they will begin the slow process of decomposition, which will last well into the 22nd century.

Lastly, she ran water in both the tub and sink (sometimes simultaneously) and flushed the toilet approximately 40 times.


Christine's Remaining Brain Cells (not wiped out above-mentioned mustard gas incident)

ps She also uses plastic applicator tampons.


Jenn @ Juggling Life said...

I'll do a lot of things for the good of the earth, but giving up plastic applicator tampons is not one of them!

SuburbanCorrespondent said...

Hey! I don't recycle, I use Lysol wipes, and Pampers are my best friend; but I do use OB tampons. So I'm good, right?

~ Denise said...

All my friends snarl at me because I don't recycle - ANYTHING.


P.S. Great post!

proud theatre mom said...

I am soooo with you. I do recycle,by town mandate not choice but I am not giving up plastic applicators,,,ever!

merlotmom said...

I DO recycle, Tampax tampons have CARDBOARD applicators, but I found the post hysterical nonetheless.

JCK said...

We try to be good, don't we... And some days, it is just too hard. I saw you driving that Prius!

Cyn said...

I try to be green, and usually pretty succesful, but what's up with cloth diapers? Seriously, people, scoop the poop into a bucket, soak them, then wash them in the washer? You can't tell me the energy used doesn't exceed the damage to the earth by my Pampers going into the landfill.

katy said...

I've granted myself Green Immunity regarding all household cleaning. It happens so infrequently and I loathe it so much that cleaning itself is the good deed.

Motherhood for Dummies said...

I try not to waste and I try to recycle, but yea...there are some things I wont give up. Plastic applicators is one of them! Diapers too. If Gore wants to come over and wash the reuseable ones for me, then he can :)

jennifer h said...

Some days it's just really hard to reach anything that resembles the ideal environmental scenario.

Tell yourself this: You weren't in your car driving around town for no reason, buying unneeded consumer goods.

Feel better?

HRH said...

You are so going to Al Gore jail.

Happy Campers said...

It's all a balancing act. What a funny post! :)

And since it's the Unofficial Tampon Survey here in responses...I like the cardboard applicators...bet those could be recycled. Gross. Don't want old tampy cardboards making up my cereal boxes down the line.


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