How OCD Are You?

1. Your child comes downstairs after a bath dressed in a Star Wars pajama top and Super Mario bottoms. You:

a.) Don't notice.
b.) Note that Dad selected the pjs and shrug.  They're ready for bed so it's still a win.
c.) Remind yourself to take the 'matching' selections out of the rotation until the laundry catches up.

2. After placing your groceries in the back of your SUV, you note that the 'carriage corral' is overflowing with shopping carts.  You:

a.) Tuck the shopping cart between two cars and drive away.
b.) Park your cart behind the last in line, further blocking the driving lane
c.) Reorganize the carts so that each one tucks neatly into the one before it, freeing up valuable corral space.

3. Your husband loads the dishwasher.  You:

a.) Thank him profusely to encourage future behavior.
b.)  Move the taller glasses to the designated "taller glasses area," and mugs to the "mug area," remove the larger bowls to wash by hand, and arrange all plates according to size and type.
c.) Explain exactly what he did wrong and why. Are surprised and disappointed when he declines your offer for further dishwasher-loading instruction.

4. It is Christmas time.  This means:

a.) The correct order of tree decoration is: lights, garland, ornaments, tinsel, angel on top of the tree.
b.) A color-coded Excel spreadsheet listing recipient, gift, expected price, actual price, delta, percent complete, notes, and totals.
c.) Pulling out your wrapping paper caddy and wrapping each and every box in such a manner that you could easily land a job at Macy's.
d.) All of the above...

5. You're 7-months pregnant and moving into a new house.  To help, your sister unpacks all your pots and pans and arranges them in your new kitchen. You:

a.) Pledge your undying love to her.
b.) Recognize you might have arranged them differently but will leave them that way for now - fewer boxes to unload!
c.) Sit your gigantic pregnant ass on the kitchen floor and rearrange them according to size, type, and function. 

C
C
B
D
C

Yeah, it's that bad.  You think it's easy being anal?  How 'bout you?

Just So We're Clear

 

If I hear "what the American people want" one more time, I'm going to...insert hyperbole/expletive here

Just so we're clear, I thought I'd let you know what this American wants:

• I want my husband to have a job lined up when his expires at the end of this month.
• I want our savings to be savings, not living expenses.
• I want to be able to refinance our education loans to a reasonable interest rate so we're able to pay them off before we retire.
• I want you to pass legislation that encourages jobs and growth.
• I want you to pass legislation that takes care of those in need, and weans those in want.
• I want you to be nice.
• I want you to remember that although it's only natural to believe that your idea is the best idea, it's not the only idea.
• I want you to listen when others talk.
• I want you to to respect your office and the offices of others.
• I want you to act in the best interest of the country, not just your state, or your constituents.
• The only time I want you to use "us" and "them" is when referring to "Americans" and "Terrorists".
• I want you to remember you're there because a majority of us put you there.
• I want you to remember that your job is not to keep your job or to ensure that someone else doesn't keep his.

That's our job.

I know you've got a lot on your plates so thank you for listening.  Carry on.

Here It Is, Your Moment of Zen...

This would be mine

The Problem

The Solution

Possibly my Favorite

Clever!

(but not usually at the same time)

Photos compiled by The Huffington Post.  There are more than 400 more posted here.  Make sure to take a look.

Stay Sane, America!

Wonderful Words Wednesday

I still need to hear these things.   Everyday.

Can't We Just Talk About Juan Williams Instead?

Scene: Driving to school this morning.  Radio inaudible.

Gremlin:  Mom, can you turn up the radio?

NPR's Madalit Del Barco: "...lights up her glass Hello Kitty pipe filled with primo California weed."

Note: Mom is navigating a rush hour traffic Rotary in a standard shift car.  Can't...safely...reach...radio...

Gremlin:  California Wii?

HRH:  No, she said Hello Kitty pipe.

Gremlin: No! She said California Wii!

HRH: No, she didn't!

MM changing radio station:  HRH, Gremlin is right; she said "Wii"

Oh, thank God.  Nirvana. Smells Like Teen Spirit.

Put On Your Sunday Clothes...

Dear Gremlin,

I would like to make a date with you every day for the rest of your life to sit on the couch and snuggle and watch WALL-E. 

I know that you're a big boy now; you're in Kindergarten for goodness sakes!  Kindergarten! You sit at the kitchen table and do your homework along side your big brother. We talk a lot about letters and numbers and sounds and words.  You and Daddy played War with cards nearly every night this week.  Since you've been back in school all your learning and thinking and doing has just accelerated. 

And I want to tell you a little secret, when you hold my hand with both of yours and tell me you hate school and you want to stay home with me? A big part of me wants to let you. Even after nearly a month, leaving the playground after drop-off all by myself still feels really strange - and kind of lonely.  You're growing up.  It shows in your struggles and in facing your fears by walking in that door and making new friends and going to gym and music and computers (you're not too crazy about art...).

Then, you and Wall-e sing along to "Put on Your Sunday Clothes" with Cornelius and Barnaby...

Close your eyes and see it glisten, Portabee.
Listen, Portabee!

And you're my baby again.

Use Only As Required

As Andy and I stood in Room 319 stalking waiting to speak with HRH's teacher, I had an epiphany; we didn't need to.  Curriculum Night had gone swimmingly.  Mrs. C. seemed great! HRH was happy in his new class, happy with the work he was being given, happy with his position as A Second Grader.  He started his second week of school by exclaiming, "We get homework this week!  I can't wait to see what it is!".  HRH is happy.

When last we spoke, I was in the throes of The Question of whether or not to move HRH's class based on word on the Mommy Telegraph that his assigned teacher was "not a good teacher". What I learned was that she quite simply "wasn't there".  As in, too many subs, kids from her class entering the third grade a little behind, projects that other second grade classes completed never gotten to.  Due to the teacher's absence.

After much deliberation and discussion, I spoke with the principal. I gave him our Kindergarten sob story.  I told him of HRH's in-the-box mentality, his need for continuity, how he thrives on routine.  And the principal moved him to another class.

So when our turn came to speak with Mrs. C., we spent a moment discussing his penmanship (which could be better) and his need to "hold that thought" (rather than having to express every thought he is feeling in real time).  It was a two-minute conversation designed to let her know we were interested, involved, and aware.

But we didn't want to take time away from parents who might really need to talk.