Every Day I Write the Book

1. The shrew on the AT&T Wireless commercial with the roll-over minutes fetish. Do they think this will make me say "Gee, I wanna be like her. Think I'll dump Verizon." or worse, that all moms are like this? Either way, you piss me off. You're on the list

2. The pretentious bitch on the Glade commercial. I see that now they're trying to make more likable. And a recurring character. Ad Agency Fail.

3. The fact that I now have to sign in prior to taking my yoga class. Apparently, my gym is now offering a cheaper membership that does not include classes. Let me get this straight; I pay more so I'm inconvenienced. Brilliant marketing strategy. Fail.

4. Every Kenmore appliance that I own. We bought the house in need of all new appliances. We were house poor. Kenmore was cheap. We got what we paid for. Two more visits by the appliance repair guys and we will have paid more to fix our stove than we did to purchase it.

5. My town's decision *not* to do a 'clean sweep' of all the leaves due to budget restraints. And then? We we all rake up eleventy-gazzillion leaves? Make sure you don't actually do a yard waste collection on they day you were supposed to. Because the leaf bags in front of my house (a) look fab and (b) get really, really (really) heavy after a day of soaking rain.


Head over to my friend, Sue's for more ungratitude. What's pissing you off today?

'Nuff Said

Kind of a Drive-By but Had to Share

First grade work: Choose a word from the word list, use it in a sentence, and draw an accompanying picture.

The beret kills me. And "good art work"?

Wordless Wednesday - Girl, You Won't be a Woman Soon

Sentenced to two weeks in the Cone (of silence) for a radical hysterectomy she neither requested nor knew was coming.

Welcome to responsible pet ownership, baby girl.

Quick Takes Friday - Volume 2

1. I have recently taken note of what a complete ass I sound like when I take the dog out to pee:
"Daisy peeps outside, Good Girl?" (getting her to the back door)
"Daisy peeps" (reminding her of why we're here)
"Go peeps outside, Daisy" (reinforcement, chanted continuously while she sniffs the entire yard)
"Good Girl! Daisy did peeps outside!" (y'know)
"Daisy, poops outside?" (the bonus round)

Moron

2. Yesterday morning, Gremlin came into our bed to snuggle when Andy went to take a shower. In the process of "snuggling," he knocked over my half full (half full = optimist!) glass of water. It hit the side of the radiator on its way down, shattering the glass into a million pieces, and dumping the water directly into a power strip under my bed. That'll wake you up.

3. Even after nine years of marriage and three years as a SAHM, I still feel the need to point out my "accomplishments"; "Did you see I bought you new t-shirts? I scrubbed the whole bathroom today!"

4. I'm going to be a mystery guest at HRH's school in a few weeks with some other moms. We're going to make Christmas Ornaments "Holiday Decorations" with the kids. Events like this are the real reason I'm a SAHM. The toilet cleaning is just a fringe benefit. Oh, and don't tell HRH; it's a mystery...

5. I bought a Wii Fit with credit card points!! I've only had this credit card for like, 7 years and never redeemed a single point. Free money!

6. The rabbit died. No, really. The bunny at preschool has passed on. We were supposed to take her home this weekend. I have not yet broached the subject with the boys. HRH had a total breakdown when we discussed Daisy's upcoming surgery, resulting in a lengthy discussion of ovaries, ovarian and cervical cancer, and girl parts in general. I really can't handle any more right now.

7. November is NaBloPoMo. The idea of posting every single day gives me hives but I am trying to step it up a notch and post a little more frequently. Andy has been coming up with some very creative alternatives for NaBloPoMo other than National Blog Posting Month.

One Day with HRH

Scene 1: Target, near the toy aisle

Unknown child: Yuck. I don't like Star Wars!

HRH (frantically whipping his head around to spot the blasphemer): Oh, it's a girl.


Scene 2: Our house. MM in kitchen. HRH in basement watching Return of the Jedi, playing Marble Mania.

MM: Hey buddy, come on up. It's time to go get Gremlin at school.

HRH: Well, it was good while it lasted...


Scene 3: The car on the way home from fancy dinner out with Mom at Friendly's

HRH: Gremlin, I win! I just farted and we were playing 'whoever farts first wins'.

Gremlin: Whoever makes a fart noise first wins!

HRH and Gremlin (in unison): Pfffft

It's My First Pandemic. Should I Panic Now?

Gremlin is home from school today. He had a pretty good hacking cough for most of the night and was really cranky/sleepy/not himself this morning. Thankfully, no fever. We've already had one (known) case of H1N1 at his preschool but not in his class. This weekend alone, the children of two Facebook friends and the sister of a Bloggy friend were diagnosed with it. My mommy radar was humming LOUD.

Of course there is no vaccine available and we are gratefully un-high risk, so it doesn't look like we'll be getting vaccinated any time soon. So we sit. And wait. And wash our hands. And cough into our elbows.

The thing is that Gremlin is a notorious cougher. If he's going to have the slightest hint of a cold, it will manifest itself as a dry, hacking cough that occurs between the hours of 7:30 pm and 6:30 am. Sometimes it gets pretty croupy (not this time - yet) but come morning, he's usually in reasonably good shape. This is his second year of preschool, his fifth year of exposure to preschool-y germs thanks to his big brother, so I know the drill. I don't panic about sending him to school with a slight cough or runny nose and I don't panic when another kid in his class has the same. If I did, they'd never have gone to school.

This year the rules have changed. I feel like we're all extras in On The Beach. Hanging out, living our lives, knowing the inevitable is coming. We'll continue to be cautious with our own health and of those around us. We'll take our vitamins. We'll hope those who have contracted the illness brave it well. We'll hope for enough vaccine to arrive before we catch it.

Today, our day includes sitting on the couch under a blanket watching Star Wars and enjoying a little one-on-one time. As my friend put it, it's not like he's missing SAT prep. All in all, not a bad way to spend the day.