Sunday, October 19, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

Dear Person-who-walked-in-front-of-the-car-in-front-of-the-car-in-front-of-me:
Please look both ways before you cross. That three SUV collision you caused is sure to increase my insurance premiums.

Dear SUV in front of me:
Bumpers don't bump even at low speeds if one leaves her trailer hitch on. Can you say "significant front end damage"?

Dear USAA:
Mea culpa on the Et Tu thing. You guys have been awesome throughout the unfortunate rear-ending incident. (Latin with Latin = clever!)

Dear Enterprise Rent-a-Car:
Nissan Altima? "Premium" vehicle? Really?

Dear Nissan:
The button thing? What's wrong with starting a car with keys?
Ps - One week, 250+ miles, half a tank of gas = Four cylinders rock!

Dear Squirrels tunneling in through the wood near the gutter:
We are not your winter home. Don't make me go all Over the Hedge on your asses.

Dear Family:
Hey look! The dishwasher is right there! Next. to. the. sink!

What a rip off. Thanks for making my son cry.

Dear Microsoft Word 2007:
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. Now it's broke.

Dear DirectTV:
Your commercial with the poor, dead, little Carol-Ann from Poltergeist is just creepy.

Dear Craig T. Nelson:
You should be ashamed of yourself.

Dear Starbucks:
Smooches. I remain your bitch.




Sue @ My Party of 6 said...

Awesomeness. But I'm sorry about your car.

~Denise said...

haha re: starbucks : )

Dear Dallas cowboys, you suck. But I still remain your loyal fan.

Ellyn said...

That was great.

Sorry to hear about your car.

I find that commercial really creepy too. Freaks me out.

Tracey said...

Ack! The car thing sucks. Hope everyone's ok.

If your family figures out where the dishwasher is from this memo, I TOTALLY have to try it!

Jennifer H said...

Ugh, about the car. I'm still paying out the woowoo for a tiny bumper incident 2 years ago.

Love these letters!

(all Over the Hedge... so funny)

Stimey said...

Dear Manic Mommy,
Although I am sad about your car, I admire your sense of humor.

KC said...

Starting a car with a button is just wrong.

I think you should send some of these letters.

Sue said...

What the hell did Craig T. Nelson do? Maybe I don't want to know. Sorry about your car!

anymommy said...

Sorry about the car, what a hassle. But, amen on the Starbucks. I'll sign that letter with you!

Jennifer Suarez said...

Oh I love it. You are too frickin funny!!

And for the record, Starbucks has made me her bitch too. *sigh* I love her too much to leave her even though she's making me broke ;-)

So yeah gimme a grande skinny green tea latte, no melon, extra foam please. I'm addicted

Kate Coveny Hood said...

What did Craig T. Nelson do? I'm googling him right now.

Sorry about your car.

Trenches of Mommyhood said...

Dear Red Sox: Really? All that effort in Games 5 & 6 and then you crush our spirits in Game 7? Really? *sigh*

just jamie said...

Absolutely brilliant. Uh-huh.

Nanny Goats In Panties said...

I wanted to comment on your more current post, but I'm not to speed on the whole thing and would have said something totally stupid, whereas THIS POST! THIS POST is funny and I loved it! I'm sorry, of course, for the event that prompted this whole thing, and that we get to laugh at your expense. Anyway, I wanted to pop over and congratulate on making Co Peep of the Week over at June Cleaver Nirvana.


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