This is Why We Own The Pancake Puff Pan

Remember when we were kids? Remember life before ubiquitous computers and a laptop for every lap?  And remember life before eleventy-thousand cable channels all telling us what to buy? Remember before cross-marketing - before your toys appeared on cartoons, had their own website, and little substandard versions would appear in your Happy Meals?

Remember when the Sears catalog would come out around Thanksgiving? Remember sitting hip-to-hip and cheek-to-cheek pouring over that inch-and-a-half thick tome with such loving reverence and awe? Remember turning that last page that transitioned from the bikes to the camping equipment?  Remember starting back at the beginning of the toy section again and again?

Remember the hell that would come crashing down on the unsuspecting child who dared rip a page from its spine? Remember fighting tooth and nail with your siblings for the opportunity to browse through its pages alone? Remember imagining receiving just the right Barbie Townhouse/Dream Car/Giant Hairstyle-able Head?  Who are we kidding?  We wanted them all.  Remember when Christmastime started *after* Thanksgiving, not before Halloween had even ended? 

Today, I remembered all those things in an instant.  When the IKEA catalog came.

Dear Craigslist:

For Sale: Brother-in-Law

1964 Heterosexual.
Never married. Low mileage. No baggage.
Original hair and teeth.
Handsome, smart, funny, athletic.
Owns own home and business.

Interests:
Sports,
Mooching meals,
Drinking beer,
Long walks on the beach
Name-calling
Introducing minors to scatological humor
Arriving 30 minutes prior to nephews' bedtime for
Wrestling Extravaganza!

Motivated seller.
All serious offers considered.
Pictures furnished upon request.


The fine print:
*BIL is being sold "as is" and all sales are final.
** Potential buyers must survive pass rigorous interrogation by mother, SILs, big sister.
*** Apply at your own risk.

Potty Mouth

Psst, Clorox:

Wanna make a mint? Invent a non-toxic, drinkable bleach product. And here's why:

Item 1: We are at my sister's house and RC has just completed his first successful peep of the new potty-training season. Manic Mommy is at the sink washing her hands after assisting with said endeavor. RC spies the plunger parked next to Auntie's toilet. Before MM can reach him/screech loud enough to wake the dead, RC has upended the plumber's helper and licks. it. Various washing and rinsing ensues. But where's the bleach?

Item 2: First Day of preschool. Andy has taken the day off to accompany RC to orientation while MM attends HRH's Welcome Mass. After we pick up HRH, we take the boys to Friendly's for an ice cream. Except for RC, we each order what turns out to be a pretty meager portion and consequently begin taking little bites from RC's massive make-your-own-sundae.

It is with the taste of hot fudge and Reeses Pieces still upon my tongue that Andy suddenly remembers the men's room incident that had taken place not ten minutes earlier:

RC is standing in front of the toilet having already fondled caressed lifted the toilet seat and is attempting to simultaneously hold the seat up, keep his shirt tucked under his chin, and aim. He is one hand short, and so, he leans forward and places the edge of the toilet seat between his lips to hold it up and proceeds to urinate.

Andy acted fast but of course, the damage was already done. He proceeded to make RC rinse his mouth out and wash his face/lips/hands with Friendly soap. But again, where's the bleach?

Did I mention that I was eating RC's ice cream as the story unfolded? What's a mom to do? I buy fluoride-free toothpaste for him because that's dangerous if ingested. How about the most germ-laden surfaces know to mom?

Please tell me your worst. Am I the only mother with a really, gross little kid?Let me know that his immune system is strong enough to handle it - and that it. will. stop.

Sincerely,

Manic Germaphobe Mommy

Really Random Stuff

RC: Wow. Wow! WOW!

MM: What is it, buddy?

RC: Nothing, Mommy. I'm just wowing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Tired of Green Eggs and Ham? Try today's special:

Although it's one of the lesser known Seusses, this was the book that my 34-year-old brother LOVED when he was a kid. So much so that every member of my household had it memorized. I remember it fondly when I was an 8-year-old-girl reading it to my 3-year-old brother and I love it now that I'm a 39-year-old mom reading to my 3- and 5-year-old sons.

~~~~~~~(no good way to segue here)

I had a dream last night that I was late coming home because I was having a rendezvous with Sawyer from Lost. I did. not. want to wake up.

Cranky Pants

Does everyone already own this book?

I found it two years ago and still pray HRH will choose it when we select our nightly reading. It is adorable. It's the story of a boy who woke up on the wrong side of the bed, how it affects his day, and how his cranky-pants-ness is eventually overcome by his mom.

The author and illustrator clearly grew up in the 70s (note the Inch Worm and Weebles on the front cover) and the book itself is littered with nostalgia. It's got great pictures, a good cadence and a nice message. It is, in short, the perfect book for every toddler/preschooler with a 'tude and his parents.

I keep waiting for Steven Sanzo to write another but so far, nothing.

Well, what are you waiting for? Go, buy it!