Friday, January 29, 2010

Impotent Rage

It's a balmy 17 degrees out with the wind whipping up to around 30 mph, we just returned home from picking up HRH at school and I. am. furious.

Not wanting to venture too far out in the cold and wind, Gremlin and I arrived at HRH's school 45 minutes before dismissal to get the last coveted parking spot in the drop-off/pick-up driveway. Mission accomplished, I turned onto the side street that spills out onto the main street, where the school is located. There is a crossing guard at the driveway exit and today, a police officer stationed at the main street.

As I waited in the line of traffic to make the right on to the main street, the wind blew over the construction barrel positioned at the entrance to the street. Traffic moved and I drove around the barrel, starting the right turn. The police officer raised his white-mittened hand toward the area I had just abandoned.

Obeying the usual traffic rules of the road, I completed the turn then came to a stop behind other (stopped) traffic. The officer approached and I lowered my window. He immediately bellowed into my face "When I say stop, you stop!" I responded with a dispassionate, "I apologize."

Is it done? Apparently not. He continues screaming "You see the hand? When it goes up, you stop!" He may have yelled something more, I can't remember what. It's so hard to see through the red haze of anger. Eventually, he went back to the job he is being paid to perform.

How dare he? I am not some juvie driving a stolen car, drunk or stoned, past curfew. I am a 41-year-old stay at home mother driving a crossover SUV with my two young boys in the car, at a school.

I am sorry you drew the short straw and got a traffic detail. I'm sorry it's cold as a gravedigger's ass. Maybe I'm even sorry that I misinterpreted your motion and didn't stop right away. But how dare you, HOW DARE YOU speak to me that way in front of my children?

I'm not going to pursue it any further. I'll keep my driving record the way it is. Instead, I had to explain the bad behavior of one whose job it is 'to protect and to serve' to the boys. And that the police - even this neanderthal - are still our friends.

Perhaps They Could Try Meditation?

Dear Skanks,
Thank you so much for disrupting my yoga class this morning by choosing that spot directly outside of the aerobics studio door to have your screaming fight. It was bad enough when I believed that you were fellow gym-goers. Imagine my surprise to learn that you were not members but rather employees. Also, kudos on your weapon choices in your verbal sparring. "oh yeah" and "who do you think you're talking to" are indeed fighting words worthy of losing your jobs.
We are not a fancy gym (clearly). Our membership is largely mommies looking to lose baby weight and college kids. At the same time, we are thankfully not peopled by muscle-heads in workboots or (I thought) classless bitches waiting to gouge each other's eyes out.
I'm sure gym sales people such as yourselves will find no trouble finding work in this economy. Good luck in unemployment! Maybe you can each find a nice guy on permanent disability from a "back injury" incurred while loading trucks.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

If Ever...

If ever I would leave you,
How could it be in spring-time?
Knowing how in spring I'm bewitched by you so?
Oh, no! not in spring-time!
Summer, winter or fall!
No, never could I leave you at all!

But if ever I would kill you,
It would be for this,

Friday, January 22, 2010

If You Build It, She Will Come

C'mon, people. Did you really think I'd miss this?

Combined with this?

That's right, not only is The Boston Wine Expo this weekend but my wonderful bloggy friend, Kristen will be selling her awesome Baby Brewing wares. And guess who she asked to help??


That's right, so for all my local friends, both IRL and Bloggy, make sure you stop by the Mommy Needs a Glass of Wine booth to say hi and take a look at all her very cool clothing and other fun ideas. I can't wait!


Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Quotes of Note

Scene: Sitting in the Mall Food Court discussing the latest desk configuration in first grade.

HRH: Stefan is sitting with us now. Mrs. M moved him because his group was a little too chatty.

Mom: Well, that's good because Stefan's your bud.

HRH: Yeah. And don't forget, Stefan's Hanukkan!

Scene: The Livingroom. HRH voraciously reading page 174 of volume 3 (We just bought the book yesterday afternoon!). Gremlin clutching volume 2 to his chest, checking out the pictures.

Gremlin: I really like Diarrhea Wimpy Kid!

Monday, January 4, 2010

Only Four Days Old and Already 2010 is a Disappointment

Scene: In the car on the way home from first day back to school.

HRH: Jade and Sean got to stay up to see the ball drop.

Manic Mommy: Really? Do you know what that is? I can show it to you on the computer when we get home.

Home and settled, MM clicks over to YouTube searching "Ball Drop, Times Sq, New Year's Eve". Voila!

MM: Hey guys! Come watch the ball drop!

(watching Dick Clark, Ryan Seacrest, et al., hugging)

HRH: So? When does it drop?!

Gremlin: What does it break?!

MM: It doesn't really "drop," it just sort of slides down a pole and lights up.

Gremlin: It doesn't drop on anything?

MM: Um, no. That's just one of the ways we celebrate the new year here in America. You see, we --

Boys depart kitchen, eyes rolling.

Better luck next year, guys.

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