Wednesday, February 25, 2009
Tuesday, February 24, 2009
Anyway, the canned goods cabinet has been the bane of my existence for a while now. Those who've recently been in my kitchen are probably saying "Really? That's the part that's bothering you?"
The answer is yes, and here's why. Behold,
Do you know what's in there? I didn't. Thus the problem. I can definitely tell you now that a bunch of it was expired (and that I went through a mad iced tea phase awhile ago):
Add one industrial size Lazy Susan for the stuff we use regularly (yes, we go through a TON of peanut butter)...and voila!
I almost forgot how good a place for everything and everything in its place made me feel. I even cleaned out the "extra drinks" cabinet beside it. I can't wait for recycling day!
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Ben & Jerry created "Yes Pecan!" ice cream flavor for Obama. For George W. they they asked for suggestions from the public. Here are some of their favorite responses:
- Grape Depression
- The Housing Crunch
- Abu Grape
- Cluster Fudge
- Nut'n Accomplished
- Good Riddance You Lousy Motherfucker... Swirl
- Iraqi Road
- Chock 'n Awe
- Impeach Cobbler
- Heck of a Job, Brownie!
- Neocon Politan
- RockyRoad to Fascism
- The Reese's-cession
- Cookie D'oh!
- Nougalar Proliferation
- Death by Chocolate... and Torture
- Freedom Vanilla Ice Cream
- Chocolate Chip On My Shoulder
- Credit Crunch
- Mission Pecanplished
- Country Pumpkin
- Chunky Monkey in Chief
- Chocolate Chimp
- Bloody Sundae
- Caramel Preemptive Stripe
- I broke the law and am responsible for the deaths of thousands...with nuts
And my own personal submission: I scream, you scream. We all scream when we're being water boarded.
Friday, February 20, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
Also out for a swim were a mommy duck and her two little baby ducklings. The mommy duck and the baby ducks meandered slowly around the pool's edge, enchanting the adults and entertaining the children.
A captivated (manic) mommy commented to the delighted gram that much like a human mommy, the ducky mommy would quack to her offspring whenever they wandered too far afield, calling them back. And the ducklings would fall back in a row. The sound of the quacking became the sound of yet another mother on vacation, calling to her children.
Oh, happy family. Oh, happy Mouse God. Oh happy duckies. Until...the quacking became lounder...and more insistent.
A hawk swooped down from the tall trees and snatched one of the poor ducklings from the pool, carrying him off in his talons while all the mommies and daddies, and especially the mommy ducky looked helplessly on.
The mommies and daddies spent some time around the pool that afternoon explaining the harsher aspects of real life to their children: Survival of the Fittest Sucks.
If you've ever sat on the toilet with someone on your lap, you might be a mommy.
If you've said words like "mucus plug", "episiotomy", and "latching on" to a male co-worker, you might be a mommy.
If you've gone to work with vomit on your shoulder and wondering if that poop smell is coming from your clothes, you might be a mommy.
If you've made brownies at 6:30 am on a school day, you might be a mommy.
If you've looked at the clock to decide if 11:00 am is too early for a glass of wine, you might be a mommy.
If you've sat on the edge of a tub for hours on end reading Richard Scarry, Dr. Seuss, and Guess How Much I Love You to a child on a potty, you might be a mommy.
If you've accidentally addressed the man in your life as "Daddy" at incredibly inappropriate times, you might be a mommy.
If your idea of "alone time" is a trip to the dentist, you might be a mommy.
If you're completely comfortable with discussing your entire birth story over a meal, you might be a mommy.
If you've gone more than three days without showering, you might be a mommy.
If you've learned to sleep while occupying less than 5% of a queen-sized bed, you might be a mommy.
If you've eaten mac 'n cheese and dinosaur chicken for dinner, you might be a mommy.
If you frequently use the phrase "two more bites...", you might be a mommy.
If you've made phone calls to your mother/sister/husband to celebrate a successful bowel movement of a child, you might be a mommy.
*If you've received this phone call, you're an Auntie.
If you know what 'having your heart walk around outside your body' means, you are a mommy.
What makes you a mommy?
Friday, February 13, 2009
Wednesday, February 11, 2009
Tuesday, February 10, 2009
Semi-snooty but still nice enough waiter leaves our table after providing us with Disney libations.
HRH: Mom, I think our waiter is really, really important!
MM: Really, Buddy? Why?
HRH: His name tag says "Jesus".